“For an actor to be working is a kind of miracle, because most actors aren’t. So it’s just silly for a working actor to say, ‘Oh, I don’t care if anybody knows I’m gay’ – especially if you’re a leading man. Personally, I wouldn’t advise a gay leading man-type actor to come out.” – the still-employed Richard Chamberlain gives a bit of advice.

hollywood-seacrest-john-griffin-1“For an actor to be working is a kind of miracle, because most actors aren’t. So it’s just silly for a working actor to say, ‘Oh, I don’t care if anybody knows I’m gay’ – especially if you’re a leading man. Personally, I wouldn’t advise a gay leading man-type actor to come out.” – the still-employed Richard Chamberlain gives a bit of advice.

Billy’s just left the tundra region known as Greater Boston and, believe it or not, I took part in a bit of shoveling. Yes, I actually indulged in some manual labor that had absolutely no physique-enhancing side effects, and I’m going to share a tip: If you do it 20 minutes after popping an Ambien, it really isn’t all that bad. In fact, it’s rather enjoyable. Around 5 a.m., I thought I’d clear the driveway at Chez Masters. Took my Ambien, put on Big Mama’s heavy coat (not the first time I’ve slipped into her clothing), threw on my MP3 player, and off I went. While I was singing away, the street lamp began to flicker on and off as if the bulb was about to blow. At that very moment, the Ambien kicked in. It took me a half hour before I realized I was the only one dancing in this club. Neighbors were looking out their windows, holding their children close to their bosom as if they were taking a field trip to Neverland! Something tells me my presence will not be a welcomed one at the next block party.

Where were you when the ball dropped? If you were home on New Year’s Eve, you had the choice of spending the night with Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper on CNN, or Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest on ABC. Griffin was on good behavior, yet managed to continuously make Coop giggle like a little girl with demonstrations of the dancing at the Univision pavilion next door. When she promised to get Andy to take his shirt off, a woman watching from below actually registered a look of horror on her face.

Despite earlier assurances that he’d be kissing “girlfriend” Julianne Hough, Ryan Seacrest shared that special moment with nine guys. At the bewitching hour, he found himself wedged between the Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block – girlfriend, please! As for Dick Clark, I’m happy to report there were no major gaffes this year and he managed to clock in an extra 23 seconds of airtime from last year’s 6 minutes…but who’s counting?

Oh, before I leave Miss Griffin, our favorite funny lady had quite a festive holiday season. Kathy went to Hawaii to spend Christmas with Cher (you can bet they didn’t go to see “Burlesque”). The pair was spotted paddleboarding – of course, “someone” alerted the paparazzi to this historic event. There’s something truly wrong with the world when Kathy is wearing less clothing than Cher. But there’s Kathy, trying to look poised paddling in a bikini, while Cher (wisely) wore a wet suit. Photos to follow on BillyMasters.com.

Elton John and David Furnish had a baby boy over the holidays – Miss Elton musta been carrying low and in front. Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John was born via surrogate on Christmas Day. This had been in the works ever since the couple was denied the chance to adopt a Ukrainian orphan who captured Elton’s heart last year. While the couple continues to support the Ukrainian tyke, they made plans for a child of their very own. “We have fulfilled a dream in finally becoming parents, and are so happy and excited at this very special time.” Congrats!

Not surprisingly, upwardly-mobile Neil Patrick Harris is already angling for entre to the empire of Elton. NPH Tweeted, “Great congratulations to David Furnish & Elton John on the birth of their son, Zachary! Can’t wait for play dates in the south of France.” OY!

Colin Firth once again impresses by giving one of the year’s best performances in “The King’s Speech”. But he’s got other ambitions: “I’m dying to play a transvestite or a stripper or a pop star.” He should do the David Bowie story – then he’ll get to play all three at once!

Clay Aiken recently hit the trifecta by landing a boyfriend who is an actor, dancer and underwear model! Hot on the heels of other hoofers, his latest paramour is Jeff Walters, a Dallas-area actor who Clay originally spotted in a production of “The Rocky Horror Show”. Wanna guess which role he was playing? One that showed off his enormous…er, “talent” (as my predecessors, the Hollywood Kids, would say). One of their first dates was going to the Gaylord Texan Ice Show – which I know nothing about, but sounds like a pretty gay date to me. Of course, we’ve got pics of the couple on our website. But that’s not all. Jeff seems to enjoy showing off on Grindr – and let me again remind Joel Shimko that I’m still waiting for a Windows version of Grindr. Back to Jeff – he describes himself as 26 years old, 5’10” and 160 lbs. A picture is worth a thousand words, because not only is his body impressive, so is his “talent”. Judging from the position of the hand, the trajectory of the light, and the angle of the camera, I’m thinking a good eight inches worth of talent. Check out BillyMasters.com to see for yourself.

Lastly, Reichen feels that his time on “The A-List: New York” was not representative of who he really is. He’s apparently shocked that the 3,600 hours of filming was reduced to three hours of footage that he watched “sometimes in horror at all that was left OUT”. Uh, has he ever seen a reality show before? He wants us to know that far from trying to prove he’s important, he and Rodiney are “humble, caring, HUMAN BEINGS” (his caps and questionable use of a comma). He’s so humble that it only took a few sentences before he said “I just celebrated the end of DADT. I had a really rewarding morning on the Gayle King show, recounting the hard work we have all done to end this policy.” This statement was made to somehow support his argument that he and the rest of the alleged “A-List” boys are not “vapid queens”. Honey, if it walks like a duck…

When I’m starting the year with animal impressions, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. You don’t need to go to Old MacDonald’s Farm to get the latest dish. Just check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that is neither humble nor human. If you’ve got a question burning inside of you, simply drop a note to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before the “quacks like a duck” phase kicks in! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.



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