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“At the end of the day, of course I’m gonna have a gay son. I’m not gonna have a straight son, am I? That doesn’t make sense.”Belinda Carlisle talks about her son, James Duke Mason, coming out.

hollywood-mason-timon-powells-1“At the end of the day, of course I’m gonna have a gay son. I’m not gonna have a straight son, am I? That doesn’t make sense.” – Belinda Carlisle talks about her son, James Duke Mason, coming out.

Over the last year or so, I’ve looked up some old friends and former beaus. I’ve often wondered what I’d do if I could return to my earlier self. Would I make some different decisions? Would I treat certain people differently? Would I give myself a break? Or, better yet, just appreciate what my life was – and is?

I bring this up apropos of Bob Smith’s new book “Remembrance of Things I Forgot.” Certainly no one would expect a sci-fi novel from one of the founding members of Funny Gay Males. But in a way, that’s what he’s written. The boyfriend of Bob’s central character has developed this time machine and the hero “inadvertently” travels back 20 years and meets up with – and flirts with – his former self. I’ve often said I’m dating myself, but I never meant it literally! There’s so much more to this book – it’s a science fiction adventure, a political thriller, a road trip saga, and a gay love story. This book is completely unique and written in that personable and familiar style that Bob has perfected for years onstage. If you know him as a performer, you can almost hear him saying this story aloud. I don’t want to give it all away, but if you’re looking for something to read that’s fun, thoughtful and provocative, have I got a book for you!

While I was looking back on my life, I wondered why I am so often attracted to people and situations that can lead to nothing but doom and destruction? This point was driven home while I had on “The Bachelorette” and recognized, much to my surprise, one of my former paramours! Maybe since I’ve been re-evaluating my romantic choices, he was doing the same. But given his sexual proclivities with moi, I’m confident that Ashley’s equipment will not be able to deliver quite the impact of mine – not to toot my own horn. I usually left that to him!

I recently checked out my buddy Jeff Timmons (formerly of 98 Degrees) in his appearance with the world-famous Chippendales at the Rio All-Suites Resort in Las Vegas. Even though I’ve known Jeff for over a decade, I was absolutely shocked by how incredible he looks. At 38, he looks better than ever – and that’s saying something. We caught up in his dressing room and talked about his gay fans, that his first solo gig was at Chicago Gay Pride, and why the boys reading this column will also enjoy this “ultimate ladies night.” You can watch the interview on BillyMasters.com

In these days of political correctness, many people take issue with Lisa Lampanelli and her brand of non-discriminatory insult humor. I am not one of those people – I adore Lisa. And she just gave the gay community another reason to love her. When comedy’s lovable Queen of Mean heard that the Westboro Baptist Church planned to picket her show in Topeka, Kansas because of her pro-gay stance, she encouraged them to come out in droves. In fact, she promised to personally donate to the Gay Men’s Health Crisis for every picketer. She figured the more people from Westboro who showed up spewing hate, the more money they’d raise for the very people they purport to hate. Kinda clever. There seemed to be some discrepancy over the number of picketers. Lisa said, “My driver counted 44 people, but the next day, someone from those a**holes said they had 48. I’m not going to quibble, so I said, ‘Let’s make it an even 50 grand.’ And if they don’t like that, they can suck my d*ck.”

Former transsexual prostitute Toni Newman is making waves with her autobiography “I Rise – The Transformation of Toni Newman.” Toni talks about some former clients, and one of the biggest is rapper LL Cool J. In an interview with “Hip Hop Weekly” (which I’m sure you all read), s/he talks openly about the encounter: “I had sex with LL Cool J. At that point, he had been one of the top five dates I ever had. I made over five-hundred dollars. For a street prostitute doing fifty-dollar blow jobs and hundred dollar hotel dates, he gave me five times more than I had already made. I wasn’t aware until we got into the encounter and the glasses came off that he was in fact LL Cool J. We were a versatile group, and when I say versatile, that means the other person gives and receives.” In another interview, she says that LL was fully aware that she was a man prior to them having sex. LL’s manager calls the book “pure comedy.” But I like to laugh, so yet another book to take to the beach!

In our “Ask Billy” question, Randy in Maine asks, “Have you seen the new show ‘Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition’? The personal trainer is HOT! Who is he?”

That would be the lovely Chris Powell, who eschews the term personal trainer – he calls himself a “transformation professional. I call him yummy! I’ve known of him for a few years – ever since he turned up on Saint Oprah’s show and helped that guy who was morbidly obese lose over 300 pounds…and his virginity. Honey, now that’s a transformation I’d pay to be a part of! Although Powell has a slight accent that would identify him as gay, he’s described in press material as a “married father of two.” I presume that means he’s straight, but that won’t stop me from running some SCORCHINGLY hot photos of him on BillyMasters.com

When I’m showing off my advanced vocabulary with words like “eschews,” it’s definitely time to end yet another column. But what a way to kick off Pride Month. And a book review?? How erudite (there’s another one). It makes one wonder what will turn up next on www.BillyMasters.com, the choice for discriminating gossipers. If you’ve got a question, you can always reach me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before LL asks me out on one of those reciprocal dates! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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