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“Linda Evans was going on about how fabulous it was, so I tried it and it was absolute agony. After he put his prick in three times, I screamed and got out of there. I’ve never done it again.” – I was sure Joan Collins was going somewhere good but, alas, she’s only talking about her one and only Botox experience. This is the first story she’s ever told where she disliked someone putting his prick in her…three times.

hollywood-ballas-carter-metcalfe-1“Linda Evans was going on about how fabulous it was, so I tried it and it was absolute agony. After he put his prick in three times, I screamed and got out of there. I’ve never done it again.” – I was sure Joan Collins was going somewhere good but, alas, she’s only talking about her one and only Botox experience. This is the first story she’s ever told where she disliked someone putting his prick in her… three times.

Of the scores of men I’ve dated, I rarely contemplated spending the rest of my life with them. In many cases, I wondered if I’d make it through the end of the evening! But now that gay marriage is more and more of a reality, I’ve been wondering how many people I would have ever considered marrying. Two spring to mind. I’m not sure either of them would have accepted – in fact, one seriously considered taking out a hit on me. But that’s another (true) story for another time. The point is, the times they are a-changin’ and the things we’d look for in a mate may be very different than those traits we’d accept in a date.

With the backing of Governor Andrew Cuomo, New York achieved the impossible and passed gay marriage with the help of…Republicans! Since this took place on the eve of the Gay Pride Parade, pandemonium broke out with Cuomo being hailed as a conquering hero. He walked alongside NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who plans to launch a huge ad campaign touting NYC as the perfect place for a gay wedding – and who could argue with that?

There’s one NYC couple that’s pissed off. You may not remember the names Howard Koeppel and Mark Hsiao, but they were thrust into the spotlight because they were best friends with Rudy Giuliani. When he was separated from his second wife, Rudy moved into the same-sex couple’s house. At some point, Howard asked Rudy if he would perform their wedding ceremony. Rudy said, “I will, once gay marriage becomes legal in New York.” So that day is here. And where is Rudy? Ah, that’s the interesting part. He’s on TV as a talking head. He’s making personal appearances. But he’s not returning the calls of his good friends. Interesting, n’est ce pas?

Recently Debbie Reynolds scrapped her dream of opening a Hollywood museum and auctioned off all of the memorabilia she’s accumulated over the past century (give or take). One of the big-ticket items was Marilyn Monroe’s white dress from “The Seven Year Itch,” which went for a staggering $4.6 million. Other pricey items were Monroe’s red sequin “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” dress, which sold for id=”mce_marker”.2 million, and Judy Garland’s blue dress from “The Wizard of Oz,” which was snagged for $910,000. The full auction netted Debbie $22.8 million — or, what Carrie Fisher would call a moderate room service bill!

Seeing that all this gay stuff on TV is here to stay, what about a same-sex couple on “Dancing with the Stars”? After all, they did it in Israel — and no one got shot, which I think means it was a success. This inspired Mark Ballas to say he’d be open to being partnered with a man…that is, if he couldn’t get his dream partner: Pippa Middleton (Kate’s sister – in other words, not bloody likely). As to dancing with a guy, “I would be totally cool with it. There are other competitions where they have same-sex couples. I’d support it. There is a slight inherent disadvantage. Two girls and two men just can’t move like a man and a woman. But you can try.” Which, of course, leads to the obvious question – has he tried? “We have eight male professional dancers and one is gay,” says Mark, alluding to the out and proud Louis van Amstel. What Mark should have said is that “only one is openly gay.” It’s like my quip about recognizing a former beau on “The Bachelorette” – which sparked a flurry of questions “which is the gay guy on ‘The Bachelorette’?” And I said, “The gay guy? As if there’s only one!”

Little Aaron Carter has come forward with some revelations about his close friendship with Michael Jackson. One statement caught my eye: “I did things with him that nobody else did. But I was also troubled about what he did to me.” Now, I know what you’re thinking – because I’m thinking the same thing. Alas, the inevitable letdown follows: “Yes, he gave me wine. I mean, I could have refused, but I was 15. I felt weird about that and other stuff.” Fingers crossed he eventually shares what that “other stuff” was.

Someone who is branching off into a whole new career is little Chris Crocker. Do you remember him? The sometime drag queen who took to YouTube intoning “Leave Britney ALONE!” Well, he was recently cast in a pilot opposite Don Johnson that went nowhere. So the next logical step is to show his Johnson! Chris is about to make a porno flick with the irascible Chi Chi LaRue. A few test shots that Chris took have slipped into our hot little hands. We have him naked. We have him erect. We have him giving oral. He seems to enjoy what he does, as you will see on BillyMasters.com

In our “Ask Billy” question, Randy in Maine asks, “Now that ‘The Chase’ has been cancelled, will Jesse Metcalfe be returning to ‘Desperate Housewives’ next season?”

Sorry – Metcalfe doesn’t have “Desperate Housewives” in his future. But fear not, fans. He will be returning to TV next season as part of the revamped version of “Dallas” which will air on TNT. He’ll be playing Christopher Ewing, the son of Bobby and Pam. And Metcalfe will have some familiar faces around. His stepmom will be played by Brenda Strong, who plays the “DH” narrator, Mary Alice Young. Playing his cousin John Ross (son of JR and Sue Ellen) is sexy Josh Henderson, who played the nephew of Edie (Nicollette Sheridan). My Lord – it’s starting to sound like “Desperate Housewives: Dallas”. Veterans Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, and Patrick Duffy will all be appearing in the show. I guess no one invited that laugh riot, Vicki Principal.

When Britney might be asking us to leave Crocker alone, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. I just spent Fourth of July weekend at the Filth2Go Beach House: Provincetown. I’m sure I’ll have lots of Ptown dish, so check out the latest gossip at www.BillyMasters.com. If you have a question, shoot it on over to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Debbie auctions off Carrie (as I told the guy who took my car after the accident – you tow it, you own it). Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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