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“Kate Winslet has gone off the rails. Jesus, girl, it’s just an Emmy.”Sandra Bernhard Tweets her reaction to Winslet’s Emmy win. While I echo her thoughts, I don’t believe Miss Sandi has ever been invited to the Emmys, let alone been nominated for one. Just keepin’ it real.

hollywood-winslet-manganielo-murphy-1“Kate Winslet has gone off the rails. Jesus, girl, it’s just an Emmy.” – Sandra Bernhard Tweets her reaction to Winslet’s Emmy win. While I echo her thoughts, I don’t believe Miss Sandi has ever been invited to the Emmys, let alone been nominated for one. Just keepin’ it real.

I’m in a little bit of a funk this week. Maybe it’s the inevitable letdown after all the Emmy revelry. Maybe it’s being back in Hollywood after so long. Or maybe the doctor is right and I do need to take that second pill each day. Whatever – you certainly didn’t drop by to hear me ramble incessantly (but if you want to, check out Billy’s Boudoir on BillyMasters.com). Since I know you stopped by for gossip, let’s get to it.

Going to an award show is alot of work. Which tux? Which shirt? What is the color scheme for the HBO party? What’s Jane Lynch wearing? Do I have a tracksuit with peaked lapels? Should I throw in some highlights and get a trim? Get some quick manscaping? You’d think I was presenting an award! But I feel an obligation to you, my loyal readers, to hold up the Billy Masters name proudly – or as proud as possible when trying to give security guards the slip whilst crashing the Governor’s Ball!

Since everyone has pretty much said everything that needs to be said about the Emmys, here’s just a quick sum-up of my thoughts:

Best moment – Mrs. Levitan’s reaction shots during hubby Steve’s win for Best Writing on “Modern Family.”

Runner up – all of the Best Actress in a Comedy nominees running onstage and standing together, ala Miss America. A moment almost marred by Rob Lowe’s bland delivery.

Best speech – Guy Pearce. Anyone who can get a laugh while talking about inserting anything into Kate Winslet is a winner in my book.

Most annoying idea – those unbearable voice-overs when the winners walked to the stage. Again, bad writing, bad delivery, bad, bad, bad.

Runner-up – The Emmytones. I love each of those people individually, but someone hand me a gun…quick.

First Bathroom Encounter – finding myself standing next to Tom Sizemore at the Emmy urinal. I believe he was trying to score some clean specimen for an upcoming test. P.S. He was arrested the next day.

Most welcomed surprise – A memorable encounter with Thomas Decker, who is growing into quite a handsome and charming young man – makeup and all.

Strangest sighting – Charlie Sheen cozying up to Ashton Kutcher backstage.

I even had the good sense to avoid Heidi Klum – who is not known for being chatty, especially when with her hubby. But she went one better this year – she brought her own security. Whenever anyone started to walk near her, this goon would step out and say, “She’s speaking!” Like she’s Queen Elizabeth or something. Auf wiedersehen. Instead, I spent time chatting with Nina Garcia who is a delight. Charming, funny, and radiant. I’m not sure, but at one time I might have been standing next to Diane von Furstenberg. I’m still not sure.

Second Bathroom Encounter – talking to Ryan Murphy while we’re washing up. He says the film version of “The Normal Heart” will be shot next summer. He then asked me for a paper towel, gave me a tip, and left.

I am willing to bend over forwards and backwards for my fans. So my “get” of the night was Joe Manganiello. Here’s a tip – don’t try to get between him and the smell of…well, let’s just say estrogen. The hunky “True Blood” star is recently single and as a result, was always in the presence of a variety of females who hung on his every word. I’m not intimidated by many things, but he’s a big one. Tall. Very sexy. Charismatic. And, believe it or not, kinda fun and personable. We shared a few words and took a photo – in which he looks far less menacing than you’d expect. In fact, it almost looks like we’re out on a date. See for yourself on BillyMasters.com.

Moving onto more tawdry tales, former gay porn superstar Ryan Idol has been convicted of attempted murder. This stemmed from an incident back in 2009 that involved his former girlfriend and a porcelain toilet tank lid… I trust I don’t need to draw you a picture. Sentencing is scheduled for December 9th. While this is not the first time someone’s accused Ryan of an attack, it does appear to be his first conviction. I always knew Idol lacked convictions.

Our appropriate “Ask Billy” question comes from Len in New York: “I heard that there’s some gay porn scandal connected with the soaps. What is that about?”

There are numerous connections between the porn and soap world. Many soap actors – past and present – have turned up in both gay and straight porn. But the story you’re likely talking about is a difficult one for me to write. I adore Katherine Kelly Lang, the woefully under-appreciated Brooke on “The Bold and the Beautiful.” Her 21-year-old son Jeremy Skott Snider has acted on the soap, worked as a production assistant, and done some modeling – where he claims to be against shooting nudes. But that didn’t stop him from turning up on SeanCody.com as “Nick” for a solo scene and an allegedly “first time bottoming” scene (for the first time, he seemed to take to it like…well, like a bottom). I am sure this is causing La Lang great pain – certainly more pain than it seemed to cause Jeremy/Nick! You can see exactly what I’m talking about in the pics and video on BillyMasters.com

When I’m spending most of the Emmys in the men’s room instead of my seat, it’s definitely time for me to end yet another column. That last bit certainly got me out of my post-Emmy funk – funny what a little sex can do. For a little more, head on over to BillyMasters.com, the site that always delivers. If you need some personal attention, just write me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Ryan Idol stars in a musical version of “Powertool”! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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