hollywood-lambert-jacobs-patriota-0“I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans.  How are we to support him?  And he told me to support Obama.” – Scott Arnold, Adjunct Professor of Writing at William Penn University, talks about his encounter with Newt Gingrich.  Of course, I wasn’t really planning on voting for him anyway.

hollywood-lambert-jacobs-patriota-1“I asked him if he’s elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans.  How are we to support him?  And he told me to support Obama.” – Scott Arnold, Adjunct Professor of Writing at William Penn University, talks about his encounter with Newt Gingrich.  Of course, I wasn’t really planning on voting for him anyway.

I always hate launching into how I feel about the New Year because, only a few hours in, it seems much like 2011.  So far, no big surprises.  As usual, Ryan Seacrest ably assisted Dick Clark’s drooping ball.  By the by, Dick is now down to five minutes of the live broadcast.  Then he was hurriedly whisked away…probably to some underground cryogenics holding tank (which probably has a spray tan attachment).  Meanwhile on CNN, Kathy Griffin (who could have used a spray tan) stripped for Anderson Cooper (ditto) and made him giggle like Kendra Wilkinson – something he agreed with!  And I watched two Lindsay Wagner films with dear friends.  If the rest of 2012 is this predictable, it’s gonna be awfully dull.  Thank God for the Mayans!

George Michael returned to England just before Christmas and gave an impromptu press conference to discuss his pneumonia and recovery in Vienna.  Looking somewhat thin and frail, he summed up his journey by saying, “I’m lucky to be alive.  The fact I’ve been so lucky and the fact that I still have plenty to live for – I have this amazing, amazing life and if I wasn’t spiritual enough before the last four or five weeks, then I certainly am now.  I have to believe that somebody believed I’ve still got some work to do here.”  I’m quite intrigued to see what (or who) he does next.

Meanwhile, Adam Lambert was dealing with some drama of his own while in Finland with his boyfriend, Sauli Koskinen (who is a Finnish reality star).  Apparently the two were out partying at a Helsinki gay bar, Don’t Tell Mama, when they got into a fracas (which, I believe, is a Finnish version of a fight).  They were thrown out of the club and continued their contretemps (a Finnish version of a brawl) outside.  The couple had been clubbing with former Miss Helsinki, Sofia Ruusila.  Can I just interrupt this story to say I really wish I were famous enough to be hanging out with a Finnish beauty queen.  Even an ex-one.  Or, frankly, anyone who spells their name with two U’s in a row!  Anyhoo, the police were called and the boys were arrested at 4 a.m.  But no one has said what happened to Ruusila!  The next day, Adam Tweeted, “Jetlag+Vodka=blackout.  Us+blackout=irrational confusion.  Jail+guilt+press=lesson learned.  Sauli+Adam+hangover burgers=laughing bout it. :-)”  Me+this story=YAWN!

Then there is the tumultuous love life of Marc Jacobs.  I dunno about you, but I was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for him to marry sexy Lorenzo Martone when they got engaged back in 2009.  Sometime last summer, Martone reported that the two were no longer together.  Since then, there have been a few names floated about in alleged relationships with Marc.  Recently, Marc became romantically linked with porn star Harry Louis who, like Martone, is Brazilian.  The rumors started after Harry Tweeted a photo of the two of them and said, “What a great weekend thanks to the sweetest guy on earth, Marc Jacobs, see you soon in Paris baby.”  The two of them allegedly met in London.  Harry later Tweeted a photo of himself in Paris, saying, “See you soon Paris…Love every single minute of it, and yea, I’m in love again…  It feels nice, and I’m so happy!!”

Not one week later came photos of Marc and…quelle surprise (as they’d say in France), ex-fiancé Lorenzo Martone, strolling along the beach in St. Barts.  So what is going on?  Is Marc with Lorenzo?  Harry?  Both?  Neither?  Who knows.  The only thing we know for sure is that Harry and his enormous appendage are no longer on RentBoy…and that usually means love.  Or a conviction.  Often it’s hard to tell the difference!

I must acknowledge one of my favorite annual events – the Kennedy Center Honors.  I would like one year to go by without mentioning that Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg lumbered out like Chaz Bono doing the Argentine Tango, but, alas, this was not the year.  I won’t even discuss her rockin’ out to Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” in her burqa-esque gown.  No, I want to talk about the tribute to Barbara Cook.  Because right onstage, for all to see, was the unlikely duo of Patti LuPone and Glenn Close – the Norma Desmonds of London and Broadway.  I harkened back to Patti’s memoir where she repeatedly mentions her feelings about her replacement with quips like, “Oh, did I mention Glenn Close never, ever called me?”  To have been a fly on the wall backstage in DC…

The year started with a legal win for Donna Douglas.  She had sued Mattel after they created a Barbie doll as her “Beverly Hillbillies” character, Elly May Clampett.  Details of the settlement have been sealed, but since Donna was suing for $75K, I’m thinking something in the mid-three figures.

Our first “Ask Billy” question of the year comes from Luis in Mexico City.  He asks, “Do you know about twin Brazilian brothers who are doing porn?  They’re SO hot!”

Márcio and Marcos Patriota got quite a bit of attention when they turned up in the Brazilian magazine Las Mag in a shoot called “Ménage à 3”.   Shortly thereafter, they did a pictorial for “FantasticsMag” which was even more sizzling – probably because it was just the two boys (no offense to our female readers, of course).  Their work is reminiscent of the early work of the lovely Brewer Twins…except this is a pair of rippling Latino boys.  The Patriotas are certainly gorgeous and…well, uninhibited.  They haven’t actually done porn, but there’s a hot behind-the-scenes video from this shoot.  I’ll be happy to christen the New Year by posting it on BillyMasters.com.

When I’m getting all bilingual on you, it’s definitely time for me to end yet another column.  Of course, I wouldn’t be surprised if Anderson is checking out BillyMasters.com – he’d love those Brazilian twins!  If you have any questions, concerns, or resolutions you want to share, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I’ll get back to you before Patti and Glenn sing “Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)”!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.



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