“Basically, gay sex, especially for the first time, is really f–king painful.” – Daniel Radcliffe discusses playing poet Allen Ginsberg in “Kill Your Darlings”. Of course, it’s not that painful to simulate gay sex on film – unless you’re a Method actor.
Joan Rivers’ favorite holiday was Thanksgiving. Each year, she would begin the day by delivering food for God’s Love We Deliver (in more recent years, she was joined by her grandson, Cooper). She’d return home in time to welcome dozens of friends and colleagues to her home for a sumptuous spread. This year, daughter Melissa continued the tradition. She and Cooper did the morning food deliveries and then had Joan’s regular posse to the Upper East Side penthouse one last time for a traditional Thanksgiving dinner – this year, giving thanks that Joan had touched all of their lives. Classy, classy, classy.
When my pal Sherri Shepherd ended her run in the Broadway production of “Cinderella” last week, the cast paid tribute to her with such glowing terms, it made her burst into tears. She had very little to cry about in a new video that’s making the rounds. “The Luke and Jeff Show” is done by the talented (and hunky) Luke Hawkins and Jeff Pew – both regulars on the Great White Way (Jeff starred with Sherri in “Cinderella”). If anyone’s wondering what Sherri did for Thanksgiving, this’ll give you a good idea – you’ll never look at giblets the same way again!
Now, time for the first of my annual Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions. I am sure that many of you will find yourself in NYC at some point over the holidays. I cannot recommend anything more thrilling than seeing the legendary Lypsinka…except for seeing the legendary Lypsinka in THREE shows. Yes, running in repertoire is “Lypsinka! The Box Set” (her greatest hits show), “The Passion of the Crawford” (where she seamlessly portrays Joan Crawford being interviewed), and “John Epperson: Show Trash” (where Lyppie’s creator regales with bon mots from his travails). This is the first time all three shows have run in repertoire, aptly called “Lypsinka! The Trilogy”. Seeing some of the pieces that really put her on the map was a special treat – “This Is My Life” with the box of cereal, the drunken “12 Days of Christmas”, the phone calls….oh, it was a joy to behold. The Crawford show is a study in nuances, which is riveting. As always, Lypsinka’s attention to detail is staggering – and hysterical. If Faye Dunaway closed the coffin on how Crawford would be remembered, Lypsinka nails it good and tight! Special mention must be paid to Scott Wittman (half of the team that wrote “Hairspray” and oodles of others), who plays the interviewer with eerie aplomb. To call Lypsinka unique is an understatement – she stands head and shoulders above all others. You can get information and tickets at www.Lypsinka.com. If you aren’t in NYC but still want to be part of the fun, a plethora of souvenirs can be found at Zazzle.com/lypsinka.
My second gift suggestion doesn’t require you to do any traveling. I’m sure you’ve heard about kegels, an exercise women do to strengthen their pelvic floor. But there’s not been an exercise for your penis – until now. Filling that void is the Private Gym, the pelvic muscle exercise system for men. Their package (such as it is) includes a book, a DVD, and a specially designed weight that you attach to the end of your erect penis. Using your penile muscle, you raise and lower this weight – basically you’re flexing your penis. It’s hard….as it should be! Believe it or not, this system is actually the first FDA registered men’s kegel regimen. I’m sure you’re asking yourself, why do I have to exercise my penis? What if I told you that using this product will help you maintain an erection, reduce premature ejaculation, and even give you a better orgasm? There’s a video on their website featuring gay p-rn stars Johnny Hazzard and Austin Wilde demonstrating the versatility of this device. Take it from Billy Masters – the Private Gym is the perfect gift for that special someone….or for yourself. Check it out at PrivateGym.com.
Perhaps the people at the Private Gym should try to get their product stocked in 7-Eleven. It might be a good fit. After all, what does one make of an employee of the convenience store whiling away the hours by pleasuring himself, videotaping it, and circulating the video? You can check him out on BillyMasters.com.
Our “Ask Billy” question comes from Thom in Denver: “I recently saw some hot photos of that guy Ashley from O-Town. He looks amazing. What is he doing these days…other than working out?”
For those of you who can’t place him, Ashley Parker Angel was a member of the pop group O-Town, featured on the reality show “Making the Band” (usually filmed naked in the shower – on order of Lou Pearlman, no doubt). When O-Town reunited earlier this year, Ash decided he didn’t want to go backwards…he wanted to go forwards. OK, so his solo album didn’t really go anywhere. But he had quite a bit of success in the Broadway production of “Hairspray”. Since then, he’s continued to court interest with a number of provocative photos, letting us know that even if he wasn’t working, he was definitely working out. And it all paid off – Ashley has just joined the national touring company of “Wicked” playing Fiyero. So perhaps you’ll soon see him in a city near you. Until then, you can see a whole different side of him without leaving your home. You can simply head over to BillyMasters.com.
When I’m getting a hankering for a 7-Eleven hot dog and a Big Gulp, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column. Ah, the holidays are here. Time for making merry, being gay and bright – things we do all year round at www.BillyMasters.com. If you’ve got a question, feel free to send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Ashley Parker Angel becomes the Private Gym spokesman. So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.