“The only way this film could be made worse would be to be eaten by a badger while watching it.” – The lead from a review in London’s “The Guardian” for “A Winter’s Tale”. Perhaps one of the greatest reviews of a film — ever!
It’s that time again – a time of reflection, a time of hope, a time to laugh, a time to weep. Turn, turn, turn. In the close to two decades I’ve been writing this column, it’s been one of the most eventful years.
The year started with someone asking me why it is taking so long to legalize gay marriage in more states. I reminded him of a prediction I made in 2013 – that gay marriage would be legalized federally within five years. As of right now, you can get married in 35 states and the District of Columbia (and part of Missouri and in 21 Native American tribal reservations). In short, MOST Americans live in areas where same-sex marriage is legal.
Needless to say, we’ve seen lots of gay marriage this year. Lance Bass just got married. So did Elton. Matt Bomer revealed that he’s been married to PR honcho Simon Halls since 2011. Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka finally tied the knot in style – in Italy. Martina Navratilova and Melissa Etheridge got married – no, not to each other. And you know it’s becoming passé when Jodie Foster, who never technically came out, is in a gay marriage! Sara Gilbert got married (and is pregnant). Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent got married (and are also with child). Even Tyler Perry just had a kid — which, technically, shouldn’t be in this column. B-tch, please….
Cheyenne Jackson got married and divorced, but then got married again this past year. Let me interrupt this column to remind you that we still have the video of Cheyenne pleasuring himself on BillyMasters.com.
Probably the biggest gay gossip story of the year was actually old news. Michael Egan claimed that when he was 17, Hollywood bigwigs Bryan Singer, Garth Ancier, and Gary Goddard did numerous unspeakable things to him (you can read all of the details on our website). Despite many holes in his story and contradictory statements, there was allegedly an out-of-court settlement on the table for $100K. At the last minute, Egan turned it down — and his lawyer took a hike. With no lawyer and no money, Egan’s case was dismissed (with the option to refile).
My most memorable week of the year took place in Provincetown. It started at the Crown & Anchor (where you may be seeing me quite a bit next summer). The headliners were supposed to be Alan Cumming and Liza Minnelli. Not surprising to moi, Liza cancelled because of back trouble. People were offered refunds or could see Cumming’s solo show. His shows sold out, were terrific, and raised oodles of money for The Trevor Project.
Carol Channing and Tommy Tune were in town to debut a new show, where Tune would interview Carol. Talk about special nights. This took place at Town Hall (under the aegis of the Crown). After a brief opener by Tune, up went the curtain and there was Channing, sitting high aloft a director’s chair and looking at least two decades younger than her 93 years. She was witty, funny, touching, and sharp as a tack. When Tune, who was seated down by her feet, interrupted one of Carol’s bon mots, she quipped, “You’re downstaging me!” The night ended with Carol reciting the famous Ephraim speech from “Hello, Dolly”, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.
Alas, Town Hall is the last place where a gaggle of gays saw Joan Rivers. My history with Auntie Joan is so long and so rich that it’s almost impossible to encapsulate. Suffice it to say, without her, much of my life – including this very column – wouldn’t have existed. She was a dear lady who is terribly missed. I think Jimmy Fallon put it best when he said, “This is such a loss for the world. But, more importantly, what a huge loss for QVC!”
What would my column be without celebrity nudes? This was certainly a BIG year – from someone leaking a photo of Tom Daley nude in a shower and Jake Gyllenhaal nude on the set of “Everest” to numerous stills and videos of David Girton from “Big Brother” in full arousal. And I think honorable mention must go to the purported penii of Idris Elba and Jared Leto – both of which can also be found on our BillyMasters.com.
But it was the photos of Ellen DeGeneres’ former gardener Nick that got the most tongues wagging. I suspect that Nick (aka Billy Reilich) got more than he bargained for in the fame department. Sure, he got lots of attention with his shirtless skits on “Ellen”. And, yes, it led to him being cast in “Magic Mike XXL”. But it also led to someone sending me a treasure trove of photos of the hot boy showing off every inch of himself — full frontal, arousal, and bent over! Yes, those photos are hard to find, but we specialize in hard ones on BillyMasters.com.
I suppose it was the appearance of Ben Affleck’s penis in “Gone Girl” that got the most attention. You may have already seen it on BillyMasters.com, but the latest versions are far more enhanced. Affleck’s asp eclipsed Neil Patrick Harris’ dong….but it’s on the website, too.
The story that sums up 2014 belongs to John Travolta, who will forever be remembered from the Academy Awards, when he introduced “the wickedly talented, one and only, Adele Dazim.” Personally, I think he was trying to get us to believe he’s straight — what gay man doesn’t know Idina Menzel?
When a bunch of naked men inevitably leads to John Travolta, it’s time to end yet another year of columns. While you’re enjoying the old news, we’re still finishing up and tweaking the brand new www.BillyMasters.com – the site that never rests on its laurels (or morals). Be sure to check it out next week. And while you’re at the computer, you can send me whatever questions are on your mind. Just drop an e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before we unearth photos of someone trimming Ellen’s bush. Until next year, remember one man’s filth is another man’s bible.