“This one won’t come out. It’s like the Queen Latifah of kittens.” – Jennifer Coolidge’s quip as Sophie on “2 Broke Girls” while aiding a pregnant cat. Ironically, Latifah will be appearing in the upcoming HBO biopic “Bessie”, about jazz singer (and lesbian) Bessie Smith. My God, Latifah has been preparing to play this role for 40 years!
The question on everyone’s lips this week was what would General Mills (makers of Wheaties) think of Bruce Jenner coming out as transgender? We didn’t have to wait long for an answer. “Bruce Jenner continues to be a respected member of Team Wheaties.” It’s been said that Jenner could again make history should Wheaties put him/her on the cover as a transgender athlete. First, he’s gotta master walking in those pumps!
By the way, Bruce Jenner (or Heather Jenner, as we believe he will soon be called) is being sued for negligence and wrongful death by the stepchildren of the woman who was killed when her car was pushed into oncoming traffic. The suit doesn’t specify an amount, but states that the death of 69-year-old Kim Howe is a great loss – which is intriguing because Kim’s friends say that she had “virtually no relationship” with her stepkids. Even more intriguing is that these stepkids are not included in her will! Howe’s entire estate is being left to various charities – primarily animal related. Although the case is still being investigated, Mr/s Jenner has not been charged with any crime.
This week, the eye of the scandal moves to Rosie O’Donnell. According to court documents, her estranged wife Michelle Rounds is suing for full custody of their 2-year-old daughter, Dakota. Since the child was adopted by both ladies, neither has an edge in this case. A representative for Rosie said, “This is an absurd and desperate attempt to use the child for [Rounds’] own gain.” Why? Although there is a prenup, Rounds would get child support were she to get custody of the kid.
Abercrombie & Fitch has just announced that you no longer need to be hot to work there. Stop the insanity!! Back when former CEO Mike Jeffries ran the company, he insisted that all store employees had to be hot. “Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don’t market to anyone other than that.” Since cool, good-looking people are getting their clothes elsewhere, A&F has decided to broaden their appeal by marketing to everyday folk – they call it being “more inclusive and diverse”. If I wanted to see everyday folk selling clothes, I’d go to Target!
My bon ami Sam Harris will be appearing in Provincetown this summer. Rather than wait, you can experience Sam immediately. Until now, only a select few got to savor every delicious morsel of Sam Harris in their mouth. But that’s all changed. We are pleased to announce the Sam Harris Sweet Life Bar. The milk chocolate bar also features caramel, sea salt, and dark chocolate cream. Sam says, “I believe a little chocolate every day is the key to a sweet life!” I’d understand if Mario Cantone made this statement, but it’s a strange sentiment to hear from a man whose mate is white as the driven snow (and congrats to the couple on their recent 20th anniversary). You can grab this and other celebrity-named confections at SweetLosAngeles.com.
Our “Ask Billy” question comes from Jason in Chicago: “I heard the paparazzi took photos of Zac Efron walking around the set of his new movie nude. Do you have the pics?”
This is a strange situation because Zac isn’t nude, but he isn’t exactly clothed either. I’ve previously told you all about the “c-ck sock” – a flesh-colored garment that is placed over a man’s genitalia while filming a nude scene. There is also a variation of this garment which is basically a nude brief. This is what Zac was wearing during the filming of “Dirty Grandpa”…with a twist – his brief has some sort of a bumblebee plush toy attached to the front. He’s walking around the set in this ridiculous outfit, talking on the phone, sometimes leaning on trashcans, all the while holding his bumblebee in place. But crazy as it sounds, he actually looks really hot. At some point, a small boy approaches him to ask him a question or take a photo or pat his bee. The cameramen captured Zac bending over in this flesh-colored brief, showing off his impressive assets whilst simultaneously evoking the essence of the late Jayne Mansfield. It goes without saying that you’ll find a variety of these photos on BillyMasters.com.
Could it be that a certain pop stud has been exploring his less-than-angelic side? While he couldn’t indulge in same-sex crushes during his previous incarnation, he’s far less miserable now that he can show up at gay clubs and call it “research” (we hear he likes his research rough). It’s one thing to cavort with male strippers overseas, but it’s pretty foolish to do so stateside – even at a private home. Happily, his galpal ain’t the jealous type. In fact, her only complaint is she’d really like to be able to wear high heels again. Be careful what you wish for…
When Zac’s showing off his stinger, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. I ask you, where else would you get a Zac Efron/Jayne Mansfield comparison? Only at www.BillyMasters.com, the site that’s always cutting edge. If you have something for me to investigate, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Sam Harris melts in your mouth, not in your hands (or anywhere else). Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.