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Hollywood Inside and Out

“I’m sorry – are you THAT famous?” – Nicolle Wallace’s response when Raven-Symoné said that she doesn’t sign autographs because it just goes on too long and she ends up getting a cramp in her hand.  Yes, this is what “The View” has come to.

People are insane.  This is not a new observation, but it comes courtesy of a couple of stories which revolve around audiences behaving badly while attending a live show.  The most ridiculous thing happened just before a performance of “Hand To God” on Broadway.  A man with a cell phone running out of juice spied what he felt was an available outlet.  Alas, it happened to be onstage (it was also a non-working prop outlet)!  Moments after the perpetrator plugged in his phone, a phalanx of ushers rushed down the aisle to remove it and chastise him.  The bewildered theatergoer allegedly said, “Well, where can I charge it?”  Sigh.  Were he not hot, I wouldn’t bother posting a video of the incident or a photo of him on BillyMasters.com.

Some people can ignore misbehaving audience members.  But some people ain’t Patti LuPone.  I’ve warned you – don’t f–k with Patti.  I know you want to capture her brilliant performances, but unless you can do it surreptitiously, don’t risk it – that woman has eyes like a hawk.  She’s currently appearing off-Broadway in “Shows for Days” (a performance the ‘London Guardian’ calls “never less than watchable”).  It seems a woman was using her phone during the show – happily not taking photos or videos, but likely texting.  Patti spotted the glare and she glared back.  Because timing is everything, LuPone waited until the perfect moment – an exit line – to snatch the phone away as she walked off-stage.  No word if the woman was brave enough to ask for her phone back.  Patti re-enacted the moment (which she called a “slight of hand”) the next evening in a pre-show speech which was posted online by the theatre.  PHEW – an officially HI-3030_KatyPerrysanctioned video!!  Check it out on BillyMasters.com.

Katy Perry sure has balls – she’s risking pissing off a gaggle of nuns!  It all started when she innocently bought what she thought was a former convent.  Turns out, some nuns still live there.  LA Archbishop Jose Gomez signed a deal for Perry to pay $14.5 million for the Convent of the Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary.  However, the sister had signed papers to sell the property to a restaurateur for $15.5 million.  Apparently 47 of the resident nuns were moved out of the convent back in 2011.  But there are still five nuns there as squatters.  The irony is that prior to her pop success, Perry was a Christian singer.  She tried to appeal to the stubborn sisters directly by meeting with them, showing them her Jesus tattoo, and singing “Oh Happy Day”.  Sister Rita Callanan told the “Today” show, “Our days have not been happy since then, I can assure you.”  I love a snappy sister!

When I read a headline about a famous gay person’s a– accidentally exposed, I had to stop and HI-3030_MarcJacobsthink how many people saw me in Ptown.  Turns out, it wasn’t about me at all!  It was about Marc Jacobs, who attempted to send a potential paramour a photo of his perky posterior via Instagram.  Alas, he posted the pic on his public feed (I love when older folks try to use new technology).  Although it was quickly taken down, my spies snagged it and passed it along.  And I must say, it’s a hot ass (as you’ll see on our website) – especially for someone in the autumn of his life.  There’s even the tip of his penis showing – but clearly that isn’t the main event.  Jacobs has publicly embraced this faux pas, although it’s hard to live down the caption: “It’s yours to try.”  I assume the line forms at the rear.

The big gay news last week was the extortion trial of Teofil Brank.  You remember Teofil, aka gay p-rn star Jarec Wentworth.  He’s the guy who was blackmailing MagicJack founder Donald HI-3030_TeofilBrankBurns.  Teofil/Jarec was found guilty on all six counts after a rather short two-hour deliberation, and will be sentenced in September.  But far more interesting to me was Burns’ testimony about his extensive history of hiring p-rn stars.  No judgment there – I’m sure many of us would do the same thing.  But Don claims to have hired guys every few weeks for solo or group sessions, paid them hundreds/thousands of dollars, and then sent them away – often by plane.  These included Sean Cody stars Willis, Arthur, Miles/Aidan, among others.  The head of the class appears to be Ashton, who continues to be paid $4-5K a month just for being Burns’ “friend”.  With friends like that….

Then there’s Taylor/Justin Matthews/Justin Griggs.  During his testimony, he was questioned about having some “dental work” paid for by Burns.  Taylor/Justin said, “That wasn’t from Don….that was from another friend of mine.”  In an earlier interview, the FBI revealed that Taylor/Justin was hesitant about sharing “details about an individual because he was very powerful and you fear for the safety if you disclose information”.  On the stand, Taylor/Justin revealed that the other “friend” was David Geffen.  And we know how fond he is of “dental work”.

Since we’re talking about gay p-rn, directrix Chi Chi La Rue has voluntarily checked into rehab.  While en route to the famed Hazelden/Betty Ford Center, he posted a video message to fans on his Facebook page.

When even gay p-rn is subject to summer reruns, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  This week, we are sad to announce the loss of one of our long-time proofreaders.  No, he didn’t die – he just has a real job that actually pays!  So that means we have an opening for someone who would like to join the fast-moving, glamorous world of www.BillyMasters.com, the site that’s always looking to fill an opening.  If you’d like to apply (or ask a question), send an e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before someone asks LuPone if they can charge their phone in her dressing room!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.