“Honestly, I’ll make out with anyone who’s willing. I brought my own lube. I don’t know if that’s something that interests anyone but, yeah, I’ll do it with literally anyone.” – Amy Schumer’s backstage quip at the Emmys. Sounds like the press room was funnier than the actual show!
How many times have you read something on Facebook and wished there were a meme that said “What would you be willing to die for?” Anything? Many people would die for their child, but being barren as the day is long, I can’t relate. I’m always fascinated by people who are willing to voluntarily die for their country, but that’s also not me. OK, let’s lower the stakes. What would you be willing to go to jail for? Honestly, nothing springs to mind. And yet, there’s Kim Davis, willing to be locked up rather than do something against her beliefs. Most of my readers disagree with her, but how many of us would go to prison to defend something we believe in? That said, I still think she’s nutty as a fruitcake – a term I’m sure she would take offense to. I also don’t understand her inheriting the job her mother held for 38 years. Now she’s grooming her son, who’s a junior clerk in the office. Since when did the position of county clerk become dynastic? Who do they think they are? The Kennedys? The Bushes? And here’s a tidbit that has gotten lost in all the hubbub – she’s a Democrat. While I’m willing to applaud her willingness to pay the price for her beliefs, she should not – as an elected official – be allowed to inflict those beliefs on others.
How many times have you read something on Facebook and wished there were a “Dislike” button? Well, Facebook has read our minds. Last week, Mark Zuckerberg said, “People have asked about the ‘Dislike’ button for many years…and today is a special day. Because today is the day that I actually get to say we are working on it and are very close to shipping a test of it.” What are they shipping? Do I have to buy it or install something on my computer? Where do I get to press “Dislike” for this idea?
I surely would have hit “Dislike” from the red carpet, since Hollywood was rocked by a triple-digit heat wave on Emmy night. The funereal mood continued inside for the most unbearably painful awards show I’ve ever attended – and I was at the Oscars when Rob Lowe sang with Snow White! And poor Andy Samberg. He used to be so funny, but there was nary a laugh to be found in his monologue. I really shouldn’t single him out – almost every scripted bit fell flat. Here’s a fun fact – this year’s Emmy show actually ran under schedule because the time allotted for laughs was unnecessary. At a certain point, they stopped asking winners to wrap it up. During one commercial break, they asked if any one of us in the audience had anyone we’d like to thank.
I hate to toot my own horn, but since someone isn’t here to do it for me (and since I’m limber), I’ll do it myself. Days after last week’s column, I awoke to the following headline online: “ABC News’ Gio Benitez Gets Down On His Knees”. No surprise there. But this was a report that Gio had proposed to beau Tommy DiDario — days after I told you about their romantic relationship. And if I’m not mistaken, I am the only national columnist to report about this with the same candor (and ebb) I would report a heterosexual relationship. Benitez did it right. He brought Tommy to Paris and, with the Eiffel Tower in the background, got down on one knee. We know the details because Gio hired a photographer to capture the special moment. After all, he is a newsman. Without the photographer, he wouldn’t be able to post it online with the caption, “Time is what’s left behind in the wake of love.” And, you know what they say — a photo is worth a thousand words. In the photo, we get to see Tommy with his hand up to his mouth, as if he’s got the vapors. Of course, you’ll get the vapors when you see the plethora of photos we have of the handsome couple – in various forms of undress. You can check them out on BillyMasters.com.
They say life imitates art. Sometimes art imitates life. Sometimes art imitates art. And sometimes I imitate Mae West, but that’s a different story. The point is, in these days where we see the news reflecting stories which have long been important to our community (gay rights, same-sex marriage, transgenderism), sometimes its even more powerful to see those stories reflected in art. Well, OK, on television. That’s an awfully high-falutin’ way to announce that NBC is developing a reboot of the 1980’s series “Hart to Hart” with a twist — the two Harts will be gay men. The new series will be about a gay couple — conventional attorney, Jonathan Hart, and his rule-breaking investigator spouse, Dan Hartman. While we hear that the show will have no direct connection to the original series, I’m told that Stefanie Powers is open to making an appearance.
When I want to thank Tracy Morgan for saving the Emmys (and stealing our hearts), it’s definitely time to end yet another column. While I’m getting personal, I must take a moment to acknowledge the death of my pal Jackie Collins. Before my very first trip to Hollywood, Jackie gave me a list of places to go, people to meet, and things to do. She was an amazing lady with a wicked sense of humor and a heart of gold. She will be greatly missed. You shouldn’t miss a thing on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that will never steer you wrong. If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Gio and Tommy get cast in that remake of “Hart to Hart”! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.