“20/20” recently had a story about “affluenza” – a term used to defend the actions of rotten, spoiled, rich kids. This made me think of “King Lear”. For those of you less literary types (and thank God for you), let me explain. King Lear had three daughters. On their own, they had no money, no talent, nothing. They were kinda like the 17th-century version of the Kardashians – except they didn’t all sleep with black men.
Then there’s Isabella Cruise – the daughter of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. I hasten to add that she is not the spawn of either of their loins – not that this matters, of course. I’m simply pointing out that you can just tell there’s no genetic link – kinda like when you look at Tom and Suri Cruise. Isabella just got married in London – where her mom, Nicole Kidman, is doing a play. But Kidman was not invited to the nuptials. Why? Allegedly, the couple wanted to keep everything low-key. But we hear it was a Scientology ceremony and, according to the “religion”, Nicole is a non-person. And how do you invite a non-person? Do they have a non-address?
Meredith Vieira and her panel of guests were discussing Ashley Judd’s revelation that she’d been sexually harassed by a studio exec. Lance Bass said, “This also happens to men, too. I mean, it’s a two-way street. It has happened to me. When I was 16, 17 years old, when we started, there was someone that we worked with that was inappropriately touching us. And I was even aware then, at 16, that this guy was a pedophile and he was touching me oddly. But I didn’t feel victimized at the time because I was very aware of it.” When asked if he ever spoke up, Bass said, “No, I mean, with the guys, we would talk about it. We’d kinda joke about it, but it’s not a joking thing. But as a kid, I dunno, it was just odd. But I’m glad that we were aware of it and we didn’t feel victimized at the time.” Is there anyone who doesn’t think he’s talking about Lou Pearlman? He might want to compare notes with Nick Carter.
That leads us right into Justin’s beaver. The first shocker is that Bieber actually has a penis. Not only that, but it’s kinda substantial – I mean, I wouldn’t be bragging about it, but I also wouldn’t be ashamed of it. Justin’s apparently not thrilled about his penis going public. His legal team is trying to squelch the pics and has started sending out cease-and-desist letters. Try and stop moi! For the time being, I’ll continue to bring you every inch of Bieber on BillyMasters.com.
We hear that John Travolta’s recent dinner with Barbra Streisand was all part of his bid to be cast in her remake of “Gypsy”. Am I the only one who thinks this is inspired casting? If I close my eyes, I can almost see him as Miss Mazeppa! Alas, he’s angling for the role of Herbie.
I recently attended the Miami and Fort Lauderdale Gay and Lesbian Film Festival, now known as MiFo (and special thanks to Will from Argentina who took such good care of me). One of the highlights was “Kiss Me, Kill Me”, a new film by director Casper Andreas. I must say that Casper has a way of making a small budget look like a million bucks. While I think the movie aspires to be some sort of “nouveau film noir”, star Van Hansis calls it “West Hollywood noir” – probably a more accurate term. While one could quibble about some of the writing and acting, Hansis undeniably turns in a multilayered performance in the lead role.
“America’s Next Top Model” was just cancelled. After 22 seasons, people will no longer get to judge models from the privacy of their own home. But the series is still making news. Nyle DiMarco (the show’s first deaf contestant) was answering some Twitter questions when someone asked if he was into guys or girls. “Fluid” was his response. I presume that means his sexuality is fluid on the Kinsey scale…but perhaps he’s simply into fluids. You can wonder about that while looking at his hot photos on BillyMasters.com.
We have a first for this column. Our “Ask Billy” question will be uncredited. Why? Because I was informed that this person submitted this same exact question to two other websites – neither of which answered it satisfactorily. The question is this: “When is the ‘Looking’ wrap-up movie going to air? And who will be in it?”
HBO is filming “Looking for an Ending” in November, which coincides with Jonathan Groff’s break from the Broadway musical “Hamilton”. The two-hour movie will air in February. When last we left the show, Groff (Patrick) had walked out on Russell Tovey (Kevin) and showed up at the barber shop of Raúl Castillo (Richie). I suppose I should now say “SPOILER ALERT”. With that inanity out of the way, Patrick and Kevin do not reconcile. This makes sense, since Tovey is on Broadway in Arthur Miller’s “A View From The Bridge” and is only available for a limited shooting schedule. That leaves things wide open for Paddy and Richie to get back together – although it should be noted that Castillo was just cast as Eduardo Flamingo on “Gotham”. Raúl is awfully busy – he’ll soon be starring opposite our pal Leslie Jordan in a new indy flick, “Finding Albie Finch”.
When HBO ain’t the only one looking for an ending, it’s time to end yet another column. Since we ran long, we have just a moment to remind you to check out www.BillyMasters.com, where the endings are always happy. If you have a unique question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before we figure out if being a top is a prerequisite for contestants on “America’s Next Top Model”. So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.