Something totally unprecedented has happened and I am not sure how to break this news to you, my loyal readers. In fact, I doubt that you will even believe what I am about to tell you, it is so rare and unheard of. It’s basically the unicorn of conservative politics, so prepare to be shocked:

A lawmaker who campaigned on anti-LGBTQ “family values” nonsense got caught being, like, super gay. Wes Goodman, a state representative from Ohio who is married to a lady, has resigned after getting caught doing sex-stuff with a man in his office.

Who could have seen this coming? I mean, besides all the gay men in the Cleveland area on Craigslist where Goodman was constantly trolling for sex. And the many men, gay and straight, Goodman sent dick pics to. And the young conservative men he offered to “mentor,” which was code for dirty Snapchat sessions and/or non-consensual hotel room fondling. All this and more is laid out in a thoroughly researched and stomach turning piece in the Independent Journal Review.

Oh, and by the way, Goodman’s sexual assault of a young man in a hotel room? Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, knew all about it and promised the kid’s parents he’d do something.

He didn’t.

And, yes, if you haven’t caught on by now, none of this is really surprising at all. Goodman joins a long list of Christian conservatives who actively sought to harm LGBTQ people, usually by painting them as perverts void of humanity and passing legislation to curtail their civil rights.

On his campaign website, which has since been taken down, Goodman claimed that, “Healthy, vibrant, thriving, values-driven families are the source of Ohio’s proud history and the key to Ohio’s future greatness. The ideals of a loving father and mother, a committed natural marriage, and a caring community are well worth pursuing and protecting.”

If you run all of that through Google’s Bullshit to English Translator, you get one word: “Hypocrisy.”

But don’t worry. Goodman is sorry that he couldn’t advance the anti-LGBTQ agenda he promised the Ohioans who voted for him.

“We all bring our own struggles and our own trials into public life,” Goodman said in the statement after resigning. “That has been true for me, and I sincerely regret that my actions and choices have kept me from serving my constituents and our state in a way that reflects the best ideals of public service. For those whom I have let down, I’m sorry. As I move onto the next chapter of my life, I sincerely ask for privacy for myself, my family, and my friends.”

It’s cute to ask for privacy, and to ask “sincerely,” no less, in a situation like this. Because, “Nah.”

Goodman doesn’t deserve privacy. He’s not a private citizen struggling with his sexuality or even a public figure whose sexuality is irrelevant to his work. He used his position of power to hurt LGBTQ people and diminish their humanity and rights.

God bless whoever tried to out Goodman’s lying and cheating ass months ago by sending Facebook Messenger screen shots to Ohio House leadership as evidence that Goodman “was gay and not faithful to his wife,” according to the Columbus Dispatch. In one of the messages Goodman brags that he gets plenty of blow jobs from “a couple of bi frat brothers.”

Goodman denied it all at the time, saying the screenshots were fake.

Turns out, Goodman was the fake. As is the GOP’s claim to be the party of family values.