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Dear Andreus,

My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago.  His ex, who was friends with us, recently asked me out. Admittedly, I am very smitten with him, and would love to go on a date, but I am not sure that it is appropriate since he is my ex’s ex.   Would it be wrong of me to entertain the idea of dating him?

Sincerely,

Carl

Dear Carl,

These things do happen.  And depending on your current relationship with your ex, I would urge you to have a conversation first.  I am very big on respect and boundaries, so if you are thinking of pursuing something with his ex-boyfriend, you might want to at least give him a heads up.  At the end of the day, you should follow your heart. I’ve found that living with “what if” is dreadful indeed. I hope things go smoothly for all involved. Best of luck to you. 

Dear Andreus,

My partner of 15 years was recently in a terrible accident. He is now confined to a wheelchair, and it has been quite an ordeal.  Medical expenses, physical therapy, and now the unfortunate prospect that he may not ever walk again.  His family has been relentless in trying to get me to drop him off with them and have a hired aide for him, but I cannot even fathom doing something like that.  His mother even says that he should not be engaging in intimate behavior or anything since he is bound to the wheelchair. I love him, and though he is now disabled, I don’t think that is grounds for me to handle our relationship any differently. I don’t know what to do. 

Sincerely,

Jasper C.

Dear Jasper,

Your loyalty is honorable, and there is a shortage of guys like you.  True love is not superficial and does not see disabilities. From day to day, no one knows what may happen to them, and I am sure that the same shallow people, would not want to be left alone.  This is your partner, and 15 years is an investment. Of course, you should not drop him off. You are doing the right thing. The intimate nature of your relationship is no one else’s business except the two of you.  If you need help, then there are resources, even some through the county and state. You are right, honorable and justified in your position. I wish you both all the best.