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Dear Andreus,

I have always been one for relationships, but I like my space.  After a couple times living with past boyfriends, I decided I like it better that we have our own places, so that when I need space, I can have it.  The guy I am dating now stays over frequently, and always has some clothes at my place. Suddenly, I noticed that there was a lot of stuff of his in my place, and he popped up one day and said, I am just going to stay with you from now on. I don’t want to tell him to get out, because I like him, but I need my space.  How can I fix this without damaging us?

Sincerely,

CrampedUp

Dear CrampedUp,

It is never okay to just move into someone else’s space without some serious conversation, planning and setting of boundaries.  I have learned from experience that anything more than a tooth brush and a pair of undies, means that you live here. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you taking your space back, because the reality is that the damage will be worse if you keep this in.  If he respects and loves you, he will act accordingly. Otherwise, if you decide to allow him to stay, you need to sit down and talk things through being sure to set those boundaries. Good luck!

Dear Andreus,

I have been seriously dating a guy now for about six months. He is a keeper, and I am excited about a great future with him. There is one thing that bothers me though. His ex is his best friend.  They spend a lot of time together, and he even crashes at his house from time to time. This makes me extremely uncomfortable, even though he tells me that they are just friends. Is this appropriate behavior? I don’t want to say anything, and screw things up.

Sincerely,

Arnold P.

Dear Arnold,

First let me say, don’t create problems if there are none. If his ex is his best friend, then you must trust him and not intervene in the friendship.  These types of delicate situations can cause a heap of issues if you don’t address them right way. I would say though, that he probably should not be spending the night over there.  That is a bit much since you guys are serious. But if they have a great friendship, then leave it be. Express that you’d rather him not do sleepovers and leave it at that.