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Dear Andreus,

I have a friend that always rains on everybody’s parade.  We all like to go out and drink and have a good time, but he arrives drunk already.  Then he gets out of hand, and it takes all the fun out of our outings trying to manage him.  Even when we try to plan things without him, somehow, he finds out and still comes and ruins everything.  No one has directly said anything to him, and it has gone too far. I want to say something, but I don’t know how to go about it.  What can I say? We like him when he is sober, but I don’t even think he realizes that he has a problem. 

Sincerely,

Arturo C.

Dear Arturo,

Bite the bullet.  Clearly this is not going to change if no one says anything.  You cannot control his drinking, that is something he must tackle.  What you can do is voice the concerns of yourself and your friends, and if he does not take your word for it then have your friends also voice their concerns directly to him. He might be completely oblivious to his behaviors if no one has pointed it out. There are two outcomes. Either he will respect what you have to say and act accordingly, or he might decide to not go out.  Either way, it is not your job to babysit another adult. Good luck!

Dear Andreus,

I just found out that a guy I started recently dating, is friends with my ex. Apparently, they are pretty good friends and have been for a while, and somehow, I never saw or met my current, while I was with my ex. Now that I have discovered this, it makes me a bit uncomfortable, and I don’t know how to move forward. My ex put me through some very emotionally damaging stuff, so safe to say it was not a good breakup. I don’t want to be put in scenarios where we are having to spend time around my ex. I really like this guy and want it to work. So how can I balance this without creating an issue within their friendship?  

Sincerely,

Joel R. 

Dear Joel,

First things first.  In the gay community there is literally one degree of separation.  Either I know you, or I know someone who knows you. That being said, these things happen quite frequently.  That should not affect your relationship with this guy if in fact you do really like him as much as you say. On the same accord, his friendship with your ex is not your business.  Do not get involved and if you feel uncomfortable just make sure that you are not a part of any plans that they may have together. I am sure if you express your feelings to your new guy, then he will make sure to handle things so that you are not uncomfortable.