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Dear Andreus,

I am a bit old-fashioned when it comes to relationships. I like to date for a while before there is any intimacy, which makes it hard in the age of Grindr. After two months of very nice courting, I was finally ready to have sex with the super-hot guy I have been going out with. The problem that I have, is the discovery that our sexual tastes are completely different.  I like passionate, romantic sex. He wants me to humiliate and degrade him. That is not my style, but I don’t want to lose him either. Is there a way to fix this at all?

Sincerely,

Carlton M.

Dear Carlton,

I can understand your frustration, and maybe even astonishment.  However, for these reasons I feel like conversations about intimacy and relationship expectations are best done early on.   That way you have some idea of what is coming before getting to deeply involved. In this case, I think that there is no other way to resolve this, then with the two of you sitting down and discussing a middle-ground.  If it is to work, there will have to be either a combination of passion and freakiness, or you might try to take turns going from one extreme to the other. If you are emotionally invested already, then you at least should give it a shot. Who knows? You might end up having more fun and getting more satisfaction than you thought. 

Dear Andreus,

Recently one of my friends started dating a guy that I have history with. I don’t have a problem with the fact that I also dated that guy because it was a few years ago. The issue that I have is that the guy is a user and an opportunist. I really care about my friend, and I have given him fair warning as to what he is potentially getting himself into. He lashed out at me and told me that I was jealous and has not been speaking to me. Was I wrong?

Sincerely,

Kelley B.

Dear Kelley,

You should certainly not feel bad for looking out for a friend. People are not always going to understand when you mean them well, especially when it comes to love and romance. If your concern came from a good place with your friend’s best interest at heart, then just let it be. If this guy turns out to be a jerk and takes advantage of your friend, then your friend will hopefully remember your warning and make amends. In the meantime, you did your part.