I have been dating, and we recently decided to go to the next step. Everything is going great, and I think the both of us can even see a future together. I have only one issue, his ex-boyfriend. Even though he says there are no feelings, he is so adamant about maintaining a friendship with his ex, even as far as hanging out with him from time to time. Personally, I find this inappropriate, especially since we are embarking on a new relationship. I just want to know that I am not being unreasonable by voicing my opinion about this. Please help.
You are certainly not being unreasonable in feeling the way that you do or voicing it. You have every right to express your concerns, especially if it makes you uncomfortable and you two are trying to establish a lasting relationship. I have always believed that one of the greatest threats to new couples, is having single people hanging around, especially exes! A relationship is about focusing on one another, and exes are just that – meaning that they should not be given any time or effort, especially in the presence of a fresh relationship. Relationships are going to have their own problems, so there is no need to invite unnecessary problems into the picture. Good luck!!
It seems like when I am single; no one pays attention to me. Now that I have started seriously dating, my ex is in hot pursuit of me. Ironically, he is also an acquaintance of my new boyfriend, and has been trying to be particularly friendly with him. In lieu of trying to be rude, I tend to try to say a very quick “hi and bye” when we see him, but he seems to be very persistent. My boyfriend thinks it is harmless, but I feel like there is an agenda. I just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. What are your thoughts?
There is usually going to be drama where there is a relationship and an ex hanging around. Our community is notorious for allowing unorthodox situations. My advice to you is to nip this in the bud. You must be very firm and direct with your ex and tell him that you have no interest, and neither does your boyfriend, in being friends with him. As I have stated before in previous columns, it is highly inappropriate to have your ex around when you are in a new relationship. If that ship has sailed and you are on a new cruise liner, let it sink. Enough said.