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My Boyfriend is Upset I Don’t Want to Move in With Him

Dear Andreus,

I am in the process of moving to a new apartment, and my boyfriend wants to move with me. I told him that I prefer living alone, and he says that if I love him, we should live together. He seems to feel that if we don’t live together, that I don’t have genuine feelings for him. He will not accept that I just like my space. I don’t know how to get the message to him without hurting his feelings. Any thoughts?


Aiden R.

Dear Aiden,

This is a very sensitive situation, and I can see both sides. Of course, one would feel that if you have evolved into a loving relationship, that living together would be the next natural step.  However, this is something that should not be taken lightly. You certainly should not move in together if you are not ready to do so.  You can explain to him that it is out of love that you want to wait, to ensure a greater chance of success in your relationship. The reality is, both of you need to be ready for a decision as serious as living together. In addition, you might want to reiterate that applying pressure to this decision is not helpful.

Dear Andreus,

I have a friend who is very successful. He makes a lot of money, and he has plenty of nice things. The issue is that he talks about it non-stop. How much money he makes, what he owns, how much he pays for things and what he is capable of. I care about him deeply, but I feel that this behavior threatens our friendship. It is hard to talk to him, because he is always defensive. What do I do?


Carson B.

Dear Carson,

In order to address the issue with anyone, you must talk about it.  Remember to use “I” statements, instead of “you”. The last thing you want is for the conversation to feel like an attack.  Clearly, there are some underlying issues if you friend is always talking about himself, but it is important for you to help him recognize the feelings of others as well as his own.  Express your feelings to him, but in a calm, and non-aggressive way.  

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