Okay, so… can someone please explain fantasy football to me like I’m five — but also fabulous? Because from what I gather, it’s a game where a bunch of grown men pretend to “own” other men based on how well they throw, catch, or run with a ball. And y’all call me the fantasy?! Apparently, people are drafting “tight ends” — and listen, when I heard that, I thought it was a Grindr category. I’m out here Googling stats on men named Dak, Tua, and Josh like I’m doing background checks before a date.
But it’s serious business! Folks out here are losing friendships, talking trash, and yelling at TVs like their retirement depends on it. I just want to know — when do we get a Fantasy Drag League? You draft queens based on lip-syncs, runway looks, and shade-throwing skills. Now that’s a sport I can play. Until then, I’ll stick to what I do best — judging tight ends from the sidelines… but for totally different reasons.
