My boyfriend’s brother has been coming over to visit our place frequently. They were estranged and hadn’t spoken for years because of some sibling rivalry. His brother is also gay, and very flirtatious. He gives me winks and inviting looks, pats on the ass, and a couple of times when saying goodbye, he tries to go for my lips when we go to kiss on the cheek. I don’t like it, and I think it is disrespectful, but I don’t want to cause problems between them again since they just reconnected. How do I put an end to this?
Dear Jimmy P.
After hearing this, it makes you wonder what the sibling rivalry was about. I believe very firmly in boundaries, and he is crossing them with you. Knowing that you are his brother’s boyfriend, out of respect if nothing more, you are off limits. You must put a stop to it. Take him aside, be very direct with him, and let him know that it makes you uncomfortable and that you find it disrespectful. Also reiterate that if it continues, you will say something to your boyfriend about it. In this situation, you have every right, because his behavior is not acceptable.
I like to watch p*rn, and my partner says that it bothers him. He feels that since we have each other, it is almost like cheating to him, when I watch p*rn. I disagree. We have been together for eight years, and of course we are not doing it like bunnies anymore. I have a higher sex drive, so that is my outlet. Our sex is also very routine, because he always likes the same things. He doesn’t like the idea of me getting off without him. But, what choice do I have if he is not satisfying my needs frequently enough?
Dear Thirsty Tom,
Relax, you are not thirsty at all. This is an issue that many couples face, especially a good distance into their relationship. Dynamics change, sex changes and from day one there is usually one partner with a bit of a higher drive than the other. I would rather my boyfriend watch porn, then to go out looking for someone else. If he does not want you to watch it, then you two must figure out another way to spice things up. Maybe some role play, or just merely switching things up in the bedroom to bring a bit more fire into things. Sometimes people don’t slow down from sex because they don’t want it, they just lose interest in the routine. You can take the initiative to try something new with him. Find out what he really likes and express to him some of the things in the porn that really turn you on. You guys might be able to put the spark back into your romance. You could always make your own movie, that way, he is the star!