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My Boyfriend Raised His Hand to Me

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Dear Andreus,

My boyfriend and I recently had an argument, and though we have disagreements sometimes like every couple, this time was different.  He gets a little heated sometimes, and I usually just let him rant, but this time he raised his hand at me like he was going to hit me.He has never done that before.  Although he didn’t hit me, it still threw me off. Should I be worried?

Sincerely,

Mason W. 

Dear Mason,

I would like to say that maybe it was just a reflex, or a reaction to heightened emotions, however, you should probably keep your eyes open now. The raising of the hand can show intent or a threat, which might just be showing you that he might be capable of initiating a physical altercation with you.  This is something that you need to address. You must talk about it, because it could turn into something more serious. Disagreements are normal, after all we are human. There really should be no need for yelling and screaming amongst reasonable adults, and certainly no physical violence or even the threat of it. Talk to him about this as soon as possible. 

Dear Andreus,

I recently lost my apartment to mold and water damage and have been staying with a couple of friends. I have been dating someone for just shy of two months, and he keeps asking me to move in with him. I feel like our relationship has been working because we don’t live together, not to mention the fact that I think it is too soon for such a major decision regardless of the circumstances. He will not let up, and every time we are together, he asked me again and again. I usually laugh if off, because I don’t want him to feel rejected. I like him, but I feel like living together might change the dynamics of our relationship and ruin everything. What should I do? 

Sincerely,

Alliston G.

Dear Allison,

If you don’t feel like it’s the right time, it probably isn’t.  I find that it’s usually best to follow that first voice, or your gut instinct. It is admirable that he is offering a place to stay, but if you feel like it will change the dynamics of your relationship, and not for the best, then leave things as they are.  You don’t have to hurt his feelings, just let him know that you like your independence, and you like things exactly as they are. Before you say it, re-assure him of your feelings for him. In critical situations, emotions and egos can be fragile. 

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