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My Parents Want Me to Keep My Sexuality to Myself

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Dear Andreus,

It took me a very long time to be comfortable enough to come out. I have made a few good gay friends and finally got up the courage to tell my parents. After telling them, my parents suggested that I not tell anymore of our family and should be discreet about my lifestyle. I feel that regardless of the implications, it is solely my decision to make. Am I wrong? 

Sincerely,

Armand V.

Dear Armand,

This information is very personal to you, and you have a right to share it with whomever you like, just as you shared it with your parents when you became comfortable enough to do so.  No one should have the right to say who you can or cannot share your personal information with, however they can make suggestions. Them being your parents, hopefully they have your best interests at heart, and only want to protect you. However, you must be aware that especially with family, there can and likely may be implications. You might first want to find out why your parents want you to remain discreet. Best of luck. 

Dear Andreus,

I have been with my boyfriend for a few months now. We decided to move in together and overall things have been great. The only issue I have is the topic of money. He makes more money than I do, and he constantly brings that up in conversations with other people and with our friends. He is always talking about what he paid for and how he is helping me, and it makes me feel inadequate. How do I get him to see that this is not okay?

Sincerely,

Carl W.

Dear Carl,

You need to be very clear and direct and make your boyfriend aware that his talking about your finances with others makes your feel uncomfortable or inadequate.  His behaviors, though hurtful, might be completely innocent. Express to him the ways that you contribute to your relationship and suggest not talking about anything related to money unless it is just the two of you.  We can never take for granted that people think as or see things exactly the way we do, therefore communication is one of the strongest tools we have in relationships.

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