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My Boyfriend is a Flirty Drunk

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Dear Andreus,

Every time my boyfriend gets drunk at the bar or a party, he starts touching people in a sexual or flirtatious manner.  I find it disrespectful, but he says it’s all in fun. Every time it happens, I say something, but he always comments with – “I am with you, so you shouldn’t be worried.”  I see flirtation as an invitation. Am I correct to feel this way?

Sincerely, 

Jackson R.

Dear Jackson,

BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES.  I cannot reiterate this enough. So many people end up in relationships or dating where the lines are blurred.  You must establish what you like, dislike and what your expectations are (within reason), from the beginning. In my point of view, if you are “with” someone, you certainly should not be flirting and/or touching other people. Those behaviors are inviting, so I agree. If voicing your concerns is not working, maybe it’s time to turn the tables and see how that goes. Sometimes people don’t realize the extent of what they are doing until it is done to them. Good luck!



Dear Andreus,

I have been having a difficult time over the past few months with my boyfriend.  I am very picky about our choice in friends, and we don’t see eye to eye on the subject.  He likes hanging out with his ex-boyfriends and previous flings, and it doesn’t set too well with me.  He tells me that I am making a big deal out of nothing, but am I? 

Sincerely,

Craig P.

Dear Craig,

In this situation the underlying question is trust.  Do you trust your boyfriend? Is there anything about these friendships that give you pause or is it just because of the prior history.  Now, in all honesty, I would not feel particularly comfortable with my partner hanging out with his exes or previous flings either, but that is personal preference.  These are the types of things that you need to discuss in the early phases of dating. You certainly cannot tell him who to be friends with or not, but maybe you can establish certain boundaries.  Better to do it sooner, then later. 

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