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How Do I Come Out To My Wife?

Dear Andreus,

I am currently married to a woman, for the last 4 years, but have always known that I am attracted to men. I think that my wife suspects it, and she makes jokes about it, but I don’t think she wants to accept the idea. The issue is that I have had sex with a few guys since we have been married, and though I have great sex with her, I am less and less interested. I don’t want to hurt her, but I feel trapped. She is a fantastic wife, and I do want children. I just don’t know what to do.


Carter M.

Dear Carter,

Not to sound cliché but, honesty is the best policy. This happens fairly frequently, and there are several possible outcomes that are not always good. You should certainly have this conversation with her. The longer you allow this to go on, the more catastrophic it could be. She could react well to it, or she might be hurt. Better to deal with this before you go as far as starting a family. I cannot speak on how you should address the infidelities, but if you love her you owe it to her to be transparent. There are gay couples that are successful parents, but you must choose the route you want for your life sooner than later. Feeling trapped is not a good thing when you are in a relationship. Talk it out and come to a resolution together. If need be, seek a licensed therapist to mediate the process. Best of luck to you.

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