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The Guy I’ve Been Dating Has Been Hooking Up With Someone Else

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Dear Andreus,

I have been dating someone, and recently found out after several months, that he has been sleeping with someone else.  I feel violated, and like my health has been put at risk because he told me in the beginning that he was only interested in me.  Now I find myself making a trip to the clinic because of his dishonesty.  I am furious.  I don’t know if I can trust him anymore, but I really like him, so I am not sure I want to leave.  I don’t know what to do.

Sincerely,

Junior S.

Dear Junior,

Trust is an important thing, and so is honesty.  But even more important is being realistic.  We are gay men; therefore, you must always assume every possible outcome and protect yourself.  Even though there may have been a conversation where it was assumed that you were only sleeping with each other, you should always assume otherwise.  I agree that if he was sleeping with others, he should have told you, but you must take some of the responsibility as well.  I cannot tell you where to go from here as far as staying with him or not, but there definitely needs to be open communication and transparency if you stay.

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