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All About Semen

Hey Woody,

I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older that less and less semen is coming out of me when I ejaculate. Is this a sign of something bad?

– Up and Comer

Hey Woody,

I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older that less and less semen is coming out of me when I ejaculate. Is this a sign of something bad?

– Up and Comer

No, it’s not a sign of something bad; it’s a sign of something older—You. As we age the prostate and surrounding glands carrying seminal fluid go through changes that often result in a decrease in volume.

It’s not just age that’ll reduce the volume. It could be that you’re jerking off too much. It takes time for the glands to restore the volume of secretions. Now, is it me or is *secretion* one ugly-ass word?

Anyway, medications, surgery or diabetes can affect semen volume. And so can the most easily overlooked cause: Dehydration. Drink plenty of water. The best way to tell if you’re properly hydrated is to look at the color of your pee. The darker the urine the more dehydrated you are. You want your pee to be as clear as water.

Hey Woody,

My partner and I are on a low carb diet. We both like oral sex, and I really enjoy the taste of his cum — so much so that I always swallow it. So my question is: Are there a lot of carbs in semen? Will gulping down his load ruin my diet?

– C*m Slut

Dear C*m Slut,

I don’t think there’s any danger of you going from a Chippendale dancer to a Chips-a-hoy dancer. The average amount of semen spurted is between 1-2 teaspoonfuls—about 12 calories a load. About 90 percent of it is water, with the other 10 percent consisting of protein, carbohydrates, lipids (fats), sugars and small amounts of minerals such as zinc and selenium.

So no, I don’t think your boyfriend blowing his load in you is going to blow your diet. BTW, only about one percent of semen is actually sperm. That’s why straight guys who get a vasectomy don’t see any difference in the volume of their ejaculate.

FYI, the quality and consistency of semen varies from man to man, from ejaculation to ejaculation, from ejaculation to man, from….wait, I’m getting confused. Anyway, it can be thick or watery, white, off-white, slightly yellowed or even clear. Why? It depends on the last time you ejaculated, how hydrated you are and the amount of sexual stimulation you got before the sauce exploded from the rocket.

There’s not enough of anything in semen to make it good or bad for you. So go ahead and siphon the python.

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Sweating Too Much

Hey Woody,

I read your answer to “smelly” (how to tell your new boyfriend his crotch smells like a grease-encrusted vomit bucket). Loved your answer but wanted to add a different dimension to the problem. I’m one of those guys who smell down there because I sweat so much. It’s very embarrassing. It doesn’t take much to soak my shirt. I could be in a mildly warm bar and sweat like I’m a whore in church. Any advice for people like me?

– Spikot



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