Hey Woody,
I have a really embarrassing problem. I’ll get all hot and hard, ready to enter my partner but then I start fumbling with the condom, get all self-conscious, and well, it’s hard to put on and I start losing it and then I just kinda say screw it, let’s just masturbate together. What am I doing wrong?
–Where the rubber meets the road less travelled.
Dear Rubber-Road:
If I had a dime for every erection that shriveled through my condom-wrapped fingers, I could pay the Guantanamo Legal Defense Fund out of petty cash. There are two ways to overcome the “sensation cessation” caused by clumsy hands. The first involves practicing while you’re alone. Just keep doing it till you get the hang of it. But Method # 2 is by far the most effective in my opinion. I call the technique “delegating dick duty.” Simply put, it’s your partner’s job to put it on.
I first learned it from a great lay who got tired of hearing the announcers yell “fumble!” every time I scrambled for yardage. Basically, when we’re getting ready to rumble he takes the condom out and does the honors. What I learned from him was not just that putting on a condom can be hot foreplay, but that the way he put it on was much quicker, eliminating any “down” time (pun intended). Here’s what he does: Instead of laying the condom on my head and forcing the thing to unroll down, he takes his two index fingers and sort of lifts and separates the condom as he rolls it down the shaft. This stretches out the condom without getting my skin caught in it. Thank God for impatient, but clever bottoms. Now go find one.
Hey, Woody!
I just wanted to say I like your way of answering, especially to the letter of “what two tops can do.” I’m a top too and I’ve never really understood why other tops won’t go home with me. Funny, you’d think guys would already know that you could do more in sex than just penetration. As a top that is now dating a top, I must say I have more fun now than when I was with my total bottom ex! Besides, it’s not the preference that makes sex hot, it’s two people and how they connect.
— Under the Big Top
Dear Big Top:
Thanks for reminding everyone that what’s between your ears is more important than what is between your legs. I’ll take Desire over Mechanics anytime. Unless, of course, the mechanics are really hot.
