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Why Am I So Fearful of a Good Relationship?

Dear Andreus,

I have met the man of my dreams. After so many failed relationships, I had all but given up.  I met this amazing guy, and suddenly everything seems to be just right. The issue is that I am constantly in my thoughts. I am so afraid of the floor coming out from under me, just because things are going so great. I can’t understand why I am so fearful of something so good.  Any thoughts?


Douglas J.

Dear Douglas,

That is what we call “human nature.” We are not creatures of absolute satisfaction.  No matter what we have, we want more. Clearly if things have never gone well, and now they are, it is a natural reaction to feel skeptical. What I can tell you, is not to waste your time in your thoughts. Sometimes thinking too much can sabotage something wonderful. If you spend all your time waiting for the floor to come out from underneath you, you can’t focus on this amazing thing that is happening to you. There are no guarantees in life. Enjoy the good things, while you have them.  Sometimes we are fortunate enough to keep them. 

Dear Andreus,

I am secretly having an intimate relationship with my second cousin. I have always been taught that these things are taboo, but I can’t help it. We began a fondness for one another as children, and now as adults, we have a sort of secret relationship. It is so difficult to keep up appearances, because my family would likely disown us both. I feel the pressure to walk away, but I love him. I have no idea how to handle this situation. Please help!


Carson H.

Dear Carson,

Okay, this is a new one for me. I don’t know that I can say anything that would make you feel at ease about this.  For most, something like this would be considered taboo. What you must ask yourself is – what is at stake? How many lives would be affected by finding out this secret? Do you feel completely comfortable in this “forbidden” love? If the reservations you have, outweigh all else, then you have your answer. Good luck!

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