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I Want Children and My Partner Doesn’t

Dear Andreus,

There is nothing I want more than to have a family. My boyfriend and I have been together now for 4 ½ years and are purchasing a home. Every time I bring up the idea of having a family, he avoids it.  He has said a few times that he thinks that children are a burden. Aside from the fact that I love kids, I am also thinking about the future and who is going to take care of me or us in our later years. I would hate to think of his resistance to start a family as a deal breaker, but it is very important to me. How can we find a middle ground for this? I don’t want to lose my relationship either.


Gregory S.

Dear Gregory,

You are quite logical in your thinking, and a lot of gay couples, trifle over decisions such as this.  People have children for many reasons, and one of those is to leave a legacy, carry on their name, and of course to have someone to care for them as they age. I would say that it is a wise decision, however, everyone is not cut out for it.  If it really means that much to you, then you certainly need to bring this unavoidable subject up and put everything on the table, including how it affects your relationship. One thing that you need to find out, is why he is against having children, and if there is a way to work through that. If not, then there might be tougher decisions to make, but you must make them together. 

Dear Andreus,

My dog recently passed away, after 15 years. She was my heart, and I have been severely depressed ever since I lost her to cancer. My boyfriend went and bought me a puppy thinking that it would make me feel better, but I really didn’t want another dog, and for now it just makes me sadder.   I know that he had the best of intentions, but I don’t want to do this again. How do I tell him without hurting his feelings?  


Roger M.

Dear Roger,

Losing a pet is a very difficult thing. I too have unfortunately felt that pain. It seems to be quite common that loved ones will buy a person a new pet, when their pet has died. Of course, you can never replace the love and memories that you had with your former pet, but I am sure that the intent is consolation. I would give it a try, but if you absolutely do not want another pet, then I would talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you really feel and find a long-term and loving home for the puppy as best you can. Make sure that you let your boyfriend know that you appreciate his efforts. Good luck!

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