Home Columns Hot Advice My Boyfriend’s Hesitant About Monogamy After Years of an Open Relationship

My Boyfriend’s Hesitant About Monogamy After Years of an Open Relationship

Dear Andreus,

I have been in a relationship for 8 years. We have been open since the beginning, but as time has progressed, I now want us to be monogamous. My boyfriend says that he can do it, but he enjoys so much having his side flings. I am not sure that he can do it, but I want monogamy very badly. What makes it hard, is that he is saying that he will commit to monogamy because I want it, but he is happy with the way things are. What do I do?


Jonathan D.

Dear Jonathan,

If your relationship has been like this for all these years, it is kind of the norm of your relationship. Asking him to change things now is a chance, and you cannot be upset if it doesn’t happen as easily as you think. We are creatures of habit, so I would suggest giving it a try, but not getting upset if it doesn’t work. If he is willing to try for you, that at least means that he loves you enough to put in the effort. Don’t set your expectations to high though.  You must remember how you started the relationship. Only time will tell. If love is there, then you will surely work it out. 

Dear Andreus,

When you are in a serious relationship with someone, is there such a thing as spending too much  time together or apart? I am trying to find a healthy balance. My boyfriend says that he loves spending time with me all the time, but I am so afraid that he will get tired of me. We even hang out with friends together. Any suggestions?


Carter J.

Dear Carter,

I would say that everyone needs space. When you are in a relationship, you should certainly make each other a priority, but do not forget that you need time for yourself. You need time to be by yourself, and time to spend with your friends, and they with theirs. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, and you need to have a chance to miss each other sometime, which will make the time that you spend together even more special. You can smother each other, and that can turn into discomfort, friction, frustration and unnecessary misunderstandings. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing things separately, so long as home-base is secure. 

Exit mobile version