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In Dying Need

Dear Andreus,

I have recently had a falling out with my brother.  We have always been super close, especially since we are both gay and depended on each other for support.  In recent years, he has been in a toxic relationship, as well as growing into a bitter, unhappy person. I have tried repeatedly to reach out and smooth things over, but it always results in anger or discomfort.  Is it okay to let him go, and cut off communication? Please help.


Rogelio H.

Dear Rogelio,

It is always unsettling and sometimes hurtful to disagree with someone that you love.  Unfortunately, sometimes people grow in different directions for many reasons. Sometimes life takes us down different paths that change us.  If communication is not working, you might need to distance yourself. It will be hard, and it will most definitely hurt. Sometimes, you must do whatever is necessary to remove yourself from negativity.  I have learned in my own experiences that sometimes absence causes people to have realizations. Best of luck to you. 

Dear Andreus,

One of my friends is dying.  It has been a long journey and he is slowly fading away.  He has asked me repeatedly to come and visit him, but I don’t know that I can handle seeing him this way.  Every time I speak to him on the phone, he asks me again, and tells me that he doesn’t have much time. I don’t think I can do it.  What would you do?


Gary P.

Dear Gary,

It is a very difficult thing to see someone you love or care about dying.  Death is a very uncomfortable reality for both. However, you must think about things from his perspective.  He clearly needs you at this point. He is at the end of his life, which he is expressing to you repeatedly. Put yourself in his shoes and think about how you would feel if the people most important to you were not there.  Also, think about how you will feel if he is to die, and you did not have the chance to say goodbye. As difficult as this may be, going to see him can bring closure for you both.  


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