In our relationship I’m the raging top and my boyfriend’s the power bottom. Perfect fit, huh? Except for one thing: I’m a two-pump chump. I don’t last but a minute or two once I penetrate him…
Hey Woody,
In our relationship I’m the raging top and my boyfriend’s the power bottom. Perfect fit, huh? Except for one thing: I’m a two-pump chump. I don’t last but a minute or two once I penetrate him. I’m mortified and humiliated but nothing I’ve tried seems to help. My boyfriend’s been supportive but I know he’s frustrated as hell, too. Lately, I’ve tried distracting myself while I’m inside him–counting backwards from 100, picturing dead cats, your past columns, that sort of thing. Obviously, it ain’t working. How do I go from two-pump chump to three-time champ?
— Premature Man
Dear Premature,
First, let’s put this in context. Studies show the average man lasts 5 minutes during intercourse. So even if you only last a couple of minutes you’re halfway to average.
Premature ejaculation (or PE) is defined as the inability to consciously control or choose when to climax. It’s the most common male sexual dysfunction. About 30% of men complain about it. The other 70% complain about not finding anyone to prematurely ejaculate on.
The most important issue in overcoming PE is identifying and avoiding the point of “ejaculatory inevitability.” That’s the point where your heave is going to ho. It’s when you haven’t come but you’re about to and nothing can stop it. Not even New Jersey governor Chris Christie walking in with a thong.
First, a quick lesson on sex: There are 5 stages. Well, six if you count kicking the jerk out. Here’s the breakdown:
1. Desire (Wanting him worse than JFK wanted a roof on his car)
2. Arousal (an erection you can fly a flag off of)
3. Plateau (a sense of being drenched with pleasure—the kind you get with any movie starring Brad Pitt)
4. Orgasm (the technical term for the phrase “Oh, God I’m coming”)
5. Resolution (your dick goes down, you show him the door).
PEr’s basically skip #3, the plateau, where all the action is. They rush to the detonation, in part because they’re not aware of the subtle cues leading to orgasm. Use the Stop/Start/Pace Method to stay in the plateau stage. Here’s how:
- Stop/Start Alone. When you’re alone, masturbate until you get close to ejaculatory inevitability then STOP. Do nothing but focus on the sensation of your penis. The urge to orgasm will subside within 3 minutes. Start masturbating again. Do this over and over and you’ll find you’ll last longer and longer. When you’ve got that down, go to step two.
- Pace Alone. Now masturbate until you get close to coming and instead of stopping, slow down. PACE. Change the speed of your stroke, the pressure and the site of your grip (go from the head where there’s most sensation to the shaft where there’s less).
- Stop/Start Together. Have your boyfriend masturbate you until you get close to ejaculatory inevitability then have him STOP. Basically, follow step 1 only your boyfriend’s doing the work and you’re doing the refereeing.
- Pace Together. Now have your boyfriend masturbate you until you get close to coming and instead of stopping, PACE. Basically, follow step 2.
- Intercourse on your back. Lie flat on your back with your partner sitting on top (topping in the missionary position uses the muscles differently and it’s harder to get relaxed). He inserts you. Don’t move. Get acclimatized for as long as it takes. Now use the stop/start/pacing method. You move up and down. Getting close? Stop. Wait a few minutes. Now have him move up and down. Close? Pace.
- Intercourse on his back. Enter him when you’re on top. Start moving. S-l-o-w-l-y. Keep using the Stop/Start/Pace method throughout. If your boyfriend is any good, he’ll pretend it hurts–that way you’ll feel like you’ve got a big one. Every bottom knows that next to ogling, a well-timed “Ow!” is the best way to inflate a man’s ego.
