I was cruising on line one night and I finally found a hottie. We exchanged pants (as in pant, pant) and then face pics. Turns out he’s a guy at my gym that I’ve had a crush on. Instead of a hook-up, I wanted a date. He agreed and gave me his number. We talked for an hour. The chemistry was a-buzzin’ but in the end, I decided not to go out with him. I didn’t see the point. Halfway through the conversation I realized he had no idea who I was. That wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that I’d met him twice at the gym. I know how the male mind works. The reason he doesn’t remember me is that he wasn’t attracted to me. I even asked him: “When was the last time you forgot a guy who turned you on a week after meeting him?” His answer: Silence.
Gay men aren’t like straight women. If we’re not physically attracted to someone it doesn’t matter how sparkling the personality is, there will be no fizz. I just feel like I’m setting myself up for a very painful encounter. So I ended the phone call nicely and left everything undefined. Today, I’m feeling like maybe I should take a chance. What would you do, woody?
— Turned Offline
Dear Turned:
I agree with your assessment—if you turned him on he’d remember you. The writing on the wall is so big I can read it from here. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives but he never forgets a man who gave him a hard-on when they met.
So, on the one hand, you’re right. The probability of him suddenly liking you is about as high as the probability of me licking a vagina-flavored lollipop. On the other hand, you cannot sit idly by and let a chance slip by. Yeah, there’s a 97% likelihood he won’t like you, but what about the other 3%?
Whenever there’s a conflict between two competing life philosophies (“Read the Writing on the Wall” and “Don’t Die Wondering”) always choose the more painful one. It’s the only way you’ll grow. A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships were made for.
Here’s what I’d do. Minimize the awkwardness for him and preserve some dignity for you. Don’t ask him to lunch or dinner, or coffee. Ask him to the gym. Work out together. That way neither of you sacrifices time away from your normal schedules. Believe me you’ll know before the first weight’s lifted whether or not he likes you.
