In a move hailed as the greatest advancement in queer safety since the invention of the carabiner, Google has announced a revolutionary new navigation feature: The “Ex-Blocker” Filter. We are not kidding. Starting today, April 1, users can toggle a “Safety First” setting to ensure they never have to make awkward eye contact at a red light again.
The queer community has responded with overwhelming support. A local lesbian responded to the news saying, “Finally, technology that understands my needs.” Users are warned that if they try to disable the feature while feeling “vulnerable” at 2:00 AM, the app will lock itself and play Celine Dion’s Greatest Hits until they go to sleep. While it may be an April Fools’ joke, the queer community agrees — avoiding your ex should absolutely be a built-in safety feature.
