Dear Andreus,

Should there be privacy in relationships?  I am asking because my boyfriend is always on his phone.  He is always texting and scrolling, and spends all his time on his phone, much more than the attention I get from him.  Also, he seems to close his phone when I come around, though he says he has nothing to hide.  I think that in a relationship, there should be no secrets.  I am dying to see what he is doing, but I don’t want to cause a problem.  What should I do?


Cory P.

Hi Cory,

This is certainly a question that can be answered in many ways. Certainly, everyone deserves privacy.  But privacy and secrecy are two different things.  You are right, if you are in a relationship, there should be no secrets, and certainly not anything that you should be hiding from your partner.  But everyone deserves privacy.  For example, secrecy would be doing something wrong, and covering it up.  Privacy could be your boyfriend confiding in a friend or family member, or getting advice, and that is perfectly fine.  I might call my sister and have a conversation, and I don’t have to divulge the details because it is private.  See the difference?  If you have any concerns, the only way to get to the root of it is to ask questions.  It could be something, and it could be nothing.  Only your boyfriend knows.  So have a conversation about your ideas and expectations and go from there.  Best of luck!