Dear Andreus,

I have been dating someone for 3 months now. We really get along well, and I like him a lot. The issue is that he always wants to go out, either to the bars or to restaurants.  I am a bit more of a homebody, but that is not the real issue. The issue is that along with his suggestion to go out, I always end up paying. Every time the bill comes, he is always like – “Can you get that baby?”. I am starting to feel like he is taking advantage of my kindness, but I also don’t want to assume. I don’t know what to do.


Gerald P.

Dear Gerald,

It is so important to set boundaries early. The moment that your boyfriend or partner’s behavior makes you uncomfortable in any way, you should talk about it.  It is okay to express how you feel about something, and you can certainly do it without implying that his behavior is intentional. It could be intentional, or it could be that you have made him comfortable enough to feel as if you paying is the norm. Here again, it is important to establish boundaries early on.  I would talk about it, and maybe agree on taking turns paying when you go out or splitting the bill – except when someone volunteers to pay.  Always ask, before you assume, and certainly before you accuse.