Everyone is pointing a finger at each other in the ongoing Debt increase debate that debilitated the United States Senate and House of Representatives. Republicans are blaming Democrats for not cutting enough spending. Democrats are cursing Republicans for not increasing taxes. Twinks are furious at Bears for the high cost of shaving cream and razors. Masters are irate with Slaves because leather restraints just sky-rocketed in price. It’s the type of orgy where everyone came to screw, but nobody brought the lube and condoms
According to a recent report by the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center, about 46 percent of Americans do not pay any income taxes to the federal government. That’s roughly 141 million people who aren’t getting it on inside the bathhouse. What’s your point in being here? You’re just taking up good cruising space. What about the rest of us who want to sit in the sauna?
Not only are these nefarious Neanderthals sitting idly by and laughing, they aren’t doing anything to help the country’s tumultuous situation. Did you know that 0 percent of poor people started new businesses in 2011 or 2010 or 2009 for that matter? Hey poor folk, without starting new business and creating jobs for other poor folk like yourself, how do you expect Trickle-Up economics to be effective? We middle to upper classes can no longer stand by as poor people sap and drain our beloved America with their sob stories. “I have one-income to support four mouths.” “I have to spend my money on groceries.” Boo-F-en-Hoo! Not only do you make us pay for things like your hospital visits and your survival, but then we have to listen to you complain about how hard life is? Seriously? The other day our Magellano 74 Azimut Yacht ran over three people floating in tires and now its engine won’t work. You don’t see anyone bailing us out. Oh wait, there’s a government bailout for yacht repair? Okay, I’ll have to look into that.
And another thing about the poor, did you know the U.S. has spent $1.3 trillion on the Iraq and Afghanistan wars since 2001. We all know poor people sat in a room and came up with a plan to make sure the U.S. government would stop killing poor people of their own and start killing poor people from other countries. Well Pooreos, your plan worked. We have basically zapped all the poor people from those two nations–which is really, really difficult because both those nations were really poor to begin with.
Ahh, but the poor in the U.S. are super duper smart. They see that we are winding-down our Kill The Poor Operations in Iraq and Afghanistan and once again focusing on harming the poor in our own country. That’s why they’ve called on the poor people of Libya, Syria and Yemen to start poor uprisings to distract us once again. It won’t happen this time you Poorpuses. We’ve come up with a plan of action to take you down and bring the U.S. economy back on track.
First, we are cutting off all medical supplies to the poor. Goodbye, Medicare and Medicaid. That will save the country $600 billion a year, and cut off the poor’s main supply of Viagra, Prozac, Penicillin and Chemotherapy. Next we target their money supply. The $64 billion that states pay out in $300 a week unemployment checks to those lazy bums who “can’t find jobs” will be all but nil. Sure that money goes directly back into the economy since most people must live paycheck to paycheck if they are unemployed, but we rich would rather keep that money and invest it in the stock market –which these days is as stable as a drag queen in platform Jimmy Choos. Now that we’ve taken away your precious medicine and your delicious money, you’ll have no reason to live, Poorperonis. Since murder is against the law, we’ll just sit around ideally by and wait for you to die of natural causes. We are SURE that will take care of our poor-infestation in due time.
Awesome! U.S. economy solved! Now on to World Peace…