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Hey Woody,

I love giving head to my boyfriend, but he’s one of those guys that should have been born straight — his room’s a mess, he’ll go a day or two without showering and he thinks being clean means not using drugs. The thing is, he’s got the most beautiful d*ck I’ve ever seen and I’m obsessed with having it in my mouth. Yet the smell repulses me. Am I being unreasonable that he keeps himself clean? Or am I just spoiling the spontaneity by insisting that he shower first?

– Gagging for the wrong reason

Hey Woody,

I love giving head to my boyfriend, but he’s one of those guys that should have been born straight — his room’s a mess, he’ll go a day or two without showering and he thinks being clean means not using drugs. The thing is, he’s got the most beautiful d*ck I’ve ever seen and I’m obsessed with having it in my mouth. Yet the smell repulses me. Am I being unreasonable that he keeps himself clean? Or am I just spoiling the spontaneity by insisting that he shower first?

– Gagging for the wrong reason

Dear Gagging,

Most men would crawl through cut glass to get more oral sex and yours won’t even reach for a bar of soap? Something’s not right. One possibility is that he simply doesn’t enjoy oral sex enough to keep clean.

An uglier possibility is that you’re simply not very good at going down on him! Now, I doubt that because guys who like it tend to be good at it.

Still, I’d check. Put it to him simply and directly: “I love going down on you and I want to be better at it. Is there anything you want me to do that I’m not doing?”

For the record, I think he’s being unfair to you. Although there’s something to be said for male “ripeness,” most guys don’t want to go down on a man they can smell before they can see.

Cleanliness is a small price to pay for a great roll in the hay. If he’s simply a slob, there are a few things you can do to keep Mr. Stink Bomb from blowing up your sex life:

1. Pour the powder. Baby powder around the crotch area helps soak up the moisture and sweat that causes bad odors.

2. Make friends with the nozzle. When you feel a sudden urge to merge guide him to the shower and have your way with him. Wet it may feel, but spontaneous it will be.

3. Buy him new underwear. Clothing manufacturers have developed fabrics that draw perspiration away from the skin to the surface of the underwear, where it evaporates.

Hey Woody,

My boyfriend wants me to talk dirty to him during sex. I don’t know what to say, I feel stupid and I keep laughing. What can I say, and how can I keep a straight face?

– Giggly

Dear Giggly,

“Talking dirty” adds another dimension to the sexual experience. Think about it: Sex engages 4 out the 5 senses (taste, touch, sight and smell). But unless you talk, you leave the fifth sense-hearing– out.

Adding wordplay to foreplay is a great way to make your sex life fire on all five cylinders. The first rule of spicing things up with Tabasco Talk is to forget the flowery prose. Any word with more than two syllables is a word with too many syllables. Start by simply narrating the action. Describe what you’re doing and feeling. Once you get used to talking in bed, the trashy talk will come naturally.

Try an Erotic Appreciation Exercise. Simply notice something about his body that you like and say something about it (“I like the shape of your penis when it’s completely hard”). Then say something about his style of lovemaking. Like, “I love the way your kisses automatically make my nipples erect.” It’s simple, really. All you’re doing is putting your thoughts on external speaker.

If you’re still feeling a little funny, then do what you do when you eat a great dessert– Moan & Groan. Not many syllables to them, but animal sounds can speak a thousand dirty words.

Half the guys you like are turned off by your body language. Turn them on with the secrets in woody’s new ebook: ATTRACT HOTTER GUYS with the Secrets


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