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Hey Woody,

Seems to me most guys want to stick it in and bang away. Why can’t guys understand that some anal foreplay is in order? Of all the guys that have f**ked me (and honey, the McDonald’s “Billions served” sign can’t turn fast enough to keep up with me) very few have even stroked my buns beforehand. They just expect you to throw your legs up in the air and give it to you like it’s on sale, first come first served. A girl likes a finger or a tongue now and again before she’s nailed to the mattress. Will you please tell people that a little anal foreplay goes a long way?

– Been there, sat on that.

Hey Woody,

Seems to me most guys want to stick it in and bang away. Why can’t guys understand that some anal foreplay is in order? Of all the guys that have f**ked me (and honey, the McDonald’s “Billions served” sign can’t turn fast enough to keep up with me) very few have even stroked my buns beforehand. They just expect you to throw your legs up in the air and give it to you like it’s on sale, first come first served. A girl likes a finger or a tongue now and again before she’s nailed to the mattress. Will you please tell people that a little anal foreplay goes a long way?

– Been there, sat on that.

Dear Been There,

Actually I’d rather tell people to ask for what they want. With the mouth on you I’m surprised you haven’t done that already. I read your letter in the library. You write so loud the librarian shushed me. Yet somehow you turn into a mute in bed. Why? Here are the main reasons people who want to get penetrated don’t ask for butt play:

1. They’re embarrassed. Anal sex is still taboo even to the people who like getting it. Yes, they want it but the less said the better. Answer: It’s a hole. Nothing more, nothing less. You take care of that hole and it’ll take care of you. You get over the fear of asking someone for butt play the way you get over the fear of asking someone out: You just do it. And once you’ve done it enough times it’ll become second nature.

2. They sense embarrassment. Guys who like topping often have a love/hate relationship with anal sex. They like the feeling of doing a guy but they don’t want to think about the realities of where that feeling’s coming from. A condom-wrapped penis in someone’s butt is one thing, but a finger or a tongue? They start thinking of what usually comes out of that hole, not what’s about to go in it. That’s why they want to stick it in as fast as possible. If you sense discomfort in your partner, let him know you’re clean down there. Often, showering together is a great way of softening his resistance and, ahem, stiffening his resolve.

3. They don’t know what to say. It’s easier to ask for a blowjob than a rim job in part because there are known euphemisms for it. If you say, “I’d love it if you’d go down on me” everybody knows what you mean. If you say, “I’d love it if you’d toss my salad” the guy might head for the kitchen and start chopping tomatoes. Answer: Be direct but diplomatic. Say, “I really want you to penetrate me and the best way to get me in the mood for it is to finger and kiss me down there.”

4. They don’t know what to do. You can’t just put your butt in someone’s face and say, “lick it.” Answer: If you’re too shy to say something then try directing him. Put lube in his hands and guide them to your booty. Play “Show & Tell.” Say, “Wait, hold on a minute. Here’s the best of getting me ready.” Then take his lubed fingers and gently put them on your sphincter and guide them into the positions, speed and pressure that turn you on.

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