Dear Andreus,

I was recently out at the bars with my boyfriend.  We started drinking early in the evening with friends, so we were all far gone by the time we got to the bars.  At one point during the night when my boyfriend and I went to the bathroom, a guy followed my boyfriend into the stall.  I expected my boyfriend to push him out, but instead, he let him come in with him.  The next thing I know, the guy is giving my boyfriend oral.  Fair to say, I was furious.  My boyfriend comes out, and when I said something, he just replied “ It was all in fun, besides we are all drunk.”  I find this incredibly disrespectful, and not sure about our relationship now. What should I do?


Joe P.

Dear Joe,

If you find what he did disrespectful, then you need to have a conversation about boundaries.  If you have never established those boundaries, then that might be the problem. He may not have realized that engaging with someone was an issue.  I would sit down and calmly talk it over before you make any serious decisions about your relationship.  This should give you some insight as to whether he was aware that what he was doing was not okay for you.  Everyone does not have boundaries, neither does everyone always see relationships the same way. After you talk, you either both can agree on boundaries from here on out, or whether you want to continue with your relationship. Hope this helps.