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celebrity-atlantis-not-to-blame-0What happens when you bang some dude on the balcony of your Atlantis-sponsored cruise ship for an entire town in Dominica to see? You get locked the f*ck up, that’s what.

celebrity-atlantis-not-to-blame-0

What happens when you bang some dude on the balcony of your Atlantis-sponsored cruise ship for an entire town in Dominica to see?

You get locked the f*ck up, that’s what.

I’ve been following this gay scandal du jour since Queerty (you know, the open-minded and objective blog that’s “Free of an Agenda. Except that Gay One.”) since buried details about the encounter surfaced on the website the day it happened. Instead of conveying the facts as they were presented by what Queerty called the bigot-indulging Dominca News Online, the GayCities-owned Internet destination chose to spin the story to make it seem like it was (“gasp” – in Queerty’s flippant terms) everyone else’s problem except the two men who were arrested for bumping uglies on the boat.

Since then it seems that everybody has an opinion on the matter, especially those in our community who look for any opportunity to cry homophobia.

There was even a boycott established against Atlantis Events and its head honcho Rich Campbell threatening to ruin the largest producer of gay and lesbian cruises and resort vacations if it doesn’t remove Dominca from its ports of call.

This isn’t the plot of a bad gay movie, folks. This saga unfolded in piecemeal throughout the homo Internet, and some of the comments from the fornicators’ supporters are, in a word, appalling.

Dominica’s tolerance of homosexuality aside for a moment, in what country is it acceptable for two people – gay or straight – to screw like donkeys in heat in full view of townsfolk, including children?

Let’s deal with that issue first, shall we?

If the ship had ported anywhere else in the world and two people were seen having sex on a balcony, they would be subject to arrest. Period.

I’m also confused about why “activists” are demanding that Atlantis remove Dominca from its itineraries because of this scandal. Yes, it’s a crime to engage in homosexual activities in Dominica, but if this were an issue for any of the travelers, isn’t it reasonable to expect that they would research the locations to which they’re traveling?

Like so many people, one of my favorite pastimes is jetsetting. But I won’t go to Jamaica or Iran or Russia for a reason – because there’s a fairly decent chance that if I suggestively look at or touch my husband in public, I will face dire consequences in the form of handcuffs from authorities or a bloody beatdown from a random bystander. No, thank you. Furthermore, if I did choose to visit one of these places and I got thrown in the clink for clinking my hubby in public, do I really have any right to complain about the “injustice”?

I’m not saying that homophobia is acceptable anywhere – and I hope that Dominica will work toward becoming a more tolerant and accepting Caribbean nation – but let’s not be so naïve to think that homophobia doesn’t exist. It sure as hell exists here, in the country we call home, and it exists everywhere else on earth.

Perhaps I’m stirring the pot even more, but I hardly see this event as homophobic, by the way. It’s really a cut and dry case of two randy shipmates who wanted to experience the thrill of diddling each other on deck.

And there are pictures to prove it. Wait. What’s that?

Oh, yes. After a week of playing the role of oppressed, humiliated, innocent vacationers (quote from arrestee Dennis Mayer: “They paraded us around like we were some kind of oddity”) treated unjustly by a vile and insensitive government, photos surfaced that show the couple on a balcony f*cking in full view of anyone with eyes or a camera phone. Of course, I don’t know if they were actually fucking – he said, he said, y’all – but if they weren’t, one of them was playing a very naked game of Hide the Penis while the other backed up into it.

Sounds like you need a vacation, mister. How ’bout a cruise?

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist whose work has been published by CNN.com, The Advocate, Frontiers in L.A., reFRESH magazine, and Edge.com, among many others. Follow his nonsense on Twitter @mikeyrox

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