NW-3005_bannerHey Woody!

I really enjoy anal sex and especially love being gang-banged.  Now a friend of mine says that overly active anal sex is one of the causes of rectal cancer in men.  Is there any merit to this or is it just another old gay myth?  I always play safe and I would hate to take down the revolving door to my bedroom.

–  Easy bottom boy

Dear Easy:

It’s no myth.  Guys who bottom are 30 times more likely to get anal cancer than those who don’t.

Now before everyone’s sphincter closes for business, know that anal cancer is fairly rare.  According to the latest CDC study of male cancer incidence, anal cancer ranks at the a– end of the scale.  Compare:  Prostate cancer accounts for 29% of all male cancers while anal accounts for .2%.

Why would sex cause cancer?  It doesn’t–if you’re f–king the right guys.  The guys who don’t carry a sexually transmitted disease called HPV (human papilloma virus).

Yes, a virus is the primary cause of anal cancer.  And, so women won’t feel left out, it’s also the cause of cervical cancer.

So the more you f–k the more likely you are to get HPV (or any STD, really).  You know what really sucks?  Condoms won’t protect you from HPV.  I mean, it helps, but it’s a little like staying dry in a thunderstorm by holding up a newspaper.  The virus is transmitted through skin-to-skin contact.  You can get it by simply rubbing up against somebody’s genitals.

There are different strains of HPV, most of which cause harmless warts on hands, feet and genitals.  There are a few high-risk strains of HPV that can lead to anal or cervical cancer if they’re not treated early. But even the majority of people with “high risk” strains of HPV don’t develop cancer.

Though anal cancers among men are on the increase, most experts believe it’s because men with HIV are living a lot longer.  The rate of anal cancer in gay and bisexual men *without HIV* is about the same as the rates of cervical cancer in women before pap smears became routine (they catch easily-treated “pre-cancerous” cells).

Bottom line:  Keep bottoming.  Get a pap smear every three years, wear condoms to protect you from HIV (which is fuel for HPV), and stop smoking (chemicals in cigarettes negatively affect pre-cancerous cells).

You don’t expect people to stop flying because there’s a small chance of getting hurt.  If that won’t stop you from getting on a plane it shouldn’t stop you from getting on a man.

Hey Woody!

I love your column, man.  Like I tell my tricks, keep it up!  I have a complaint, though.  You had such good info on bondage sheets a couple of columns ago and then left us hanging on where to get one.

—  Baby wants a beating

Dear Baby:

Ever heard of Google?  No?  Then start with  They’re one of the leading manufacturers of fantasy bondage gear.   They pioneered Velcro-based sheets, which allow you to do what Mitt Romney does best—try an endless variety of positions.