Imagine you’ve been on a date and ready to take things to the next level. Then, your partner asks the sometimes deal-breaking question: are you a top, bottom, or vers? Depending on who you are, this question can mean different things. For gay men, those terms are almost always in reference to penetrative sex. A “top” is the one who penetrates, a “bottom” is the one who is penetrated, and a “vers” or versatile person can enjoy either. Some people also use the term “side” to refer to those who do not like penetrative sex. For other members of the community where penetration may not be a part of intimacy, the terms can mean something slightly different. In non-penetrative sex or as part of a BDSM dynamic (BDSM meaning “Bondage, Domination, Sadism, & Masochism), a “top” is the person in control, a “bottom” is the more submissive, and “vers” means able to fill either roll. In these situations, the term “switch” is frequently used instead of “vers”, as the roll tends to not be as dynamic in a BDSM scene as it is in a traditionally sexual scene. Understanding these terms fosters open communication and respect in intimate relationships, allowing individuals to express their desires authentically. Whether you identify as top, bottom, or vers, communication is key. Embrace open dialogue to ensure mutual understanding and satisfaction with partners rather than conforming to rigid labels. It’s about honoring individuality and fostering fulfilling connections.
