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Hey, Woody!

Whenever my boyfriend is about to c-m he gets these weird twitches and spasms in his face.  I can tell when he’s going to have a geyser-like orgasm by how spastic his facial muscles get.  He says he’s always been that way and it doesn’t hurt, so basically it’s my problem.  I don’t mean to be superficial but have you ever made love to someone who starts blinking his face like a strobe light?  How can I make him stop it?  

I thought, “Hey, what would Woody do?” but putting a bag over his face when we make love is out of the question.  Anything else you can suggest?

—  Tic Tac Stop

Dear Tic:

I would never recommend putting a bag over your boyfriend’s face for something as small as a facial tic.  I mean, come on, that kind of drastic action should be reserved for serious offenses, like acne.

Your boyfriend is having a simple nerve response called myotonia.  There’s no real difference between what your boyfriend is doing and the rest of us who curl our fingers or toes just before orgasm.

People store physical tension in certain body parts (shoulders, neck, and in cheap dates refusing to pick up the check, wallets).  It could be that your boyfriend stores his in his face.  When he c-ms it’s a good opportunity to release that tension.

There’s no real way to make his facial tics stop.  You could try pointing a loaded gun at him just as he’s about to c-m, but something tells me that would create more problems than it would solve (although I must say that the gun thing works wonders for sexual compliance).

If he really wants to stop it he can use relaxation techniques and visualizations when he feels the spasms coming on.  But truthfully, I don’t see why he should have to go through that if it’s not hurting him.  You can always close your eyes or kiss him when the moment of truth arrives.


Hey, Woody!

I can’t seem to c-m when I’m with my boyfriend.  I can do it if he j-rks me off or gives me head, but not when I’m f–king him.  I know you’ve covered this topic before but you’ve always concentrated on the psychological dimension rather than the medical one.  I know I may be in denial, but humor me.  What would be the medical reasons that I can’t ejaculate with him?

—  Trying to pop

Dear Trying:

Most likely the reason you can’t ejaculate is because you’re dating a Republican.  I mean, they already own everything—subconsciously you probably just want to keep a little something for yourself.

Seriously, only 30% of “ejaculatory inhibition” is caused by physiological factors, according to urologists.  Medication is a top suspect.  Typically, the medication suppresses the parasympathetic nerves that run the ejaculatory system.

High blood pressure meds, anti-depressants like Prozac or anti-anxiety meds like Xanax can inhibit ejaculation.  “Can” doesn’t mean “will.”  This goes for medications as well as reluctant dates.

The inability to ejaculate also may be caused by neurological diseases like multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, or spinal stenosis (a condition that compresses the end of the spinal cord).  Spinal cord injuries can also affect it.   That’s why some partial paraplegics can get hard easily but have a hard time popping off.

As for you, it’s psychological.  If you can c-m in his mouth but not in his a–, you’ve got what I tenderly like to call “Issues.”  Note the capitalization.  It’s my way of saying THERAPY without having to type out the word.

The good news is that it would only take about a dozen sessions with a sex therapist to get your pump primed.  The issues are pretty typical:  Fear of intimacy, guilt, trying to save it for the hot guy you’re meeting later for drinks, being brought up in an overly religious family, you know, that kind of thing.