My boyfriend came home with an STD. He swears that he has not cheated, and that it must have been me that gave it to him. I have been fully committed, and now I have developed trust issues, because clearly, he has cheated on me. It makes me question how long this has been going on and makes me fear for my own health. I love him, but I don’t know if I can get over this. Is this fixable?
At the Clinic
Dear At the Clinic,
This is a story that I am sure has been told millions of times over, and the culprit never wants to take responsibility out of fear of being dumped. You are right to want to preserve your health, and you have the right to demand honesty and transparency. Clearly the first step for you both is some sexual down-time, and adherence to whatever treatment is necessary. You need to have a serious talk with your boyfriend and decide if you want to continue or walk away. It’s kind of hard to trust once someone has broken it. A tiger does not change his stripes, but you must decide whether you want to fix this or not. Decide what you deserve.
I recently met this guy, and we’ve pretty much hit it off. We are taking things slow and go out for a drink probably once a week. Seems like almost every time we are out, a friend of mine comes over to say hello, and starts flirting with him. The last time, my friend reached over and started caressing his chest. I was furious, and my guy looked uncomfortable. I have told my friend before that I am trying to pursue something with this guy, but it doesn’t seem to stop him from flirting. Can I just punch him and get my point across?
Well, let’s not resort to violence, even though the thought might feel good. If you go to jail, you will leave your guy vulnerable to your friend. So, here’s the deal. You need to talk to your friend, one on one, outside of the bar and away from the guy. Let him now very seriously and firmly that his behavior bothers you, and that if he respects your friendship, he will stop. Also, your guy needs to take some responsibility as well. If he feels uncomfortable by your friend’s flirtation, he should say something. That might be the very thing that nips this in the bud. And you can re-assure your guy that it is okay to say something if he deems it necessary.