Dear Andreus,

Recently, my partner and I started going to couple’s therapy.  This is in response to a series of issues that we have been having in regard to intimacy and communication.  The therapist that we are seeing, is someone that my partner has been seeing on his own for some years, and he suggested taking that route even though I felt as if we needed someone non-biased.  We just had our fourth session, and I notice a kind of affection between them that makes me a bit uncomfortable.  It also leads me to believe that maybe something deeper is going on.  They also communicate outside of their sessions, and I am not sure if that is normal.  How do I go about addressing this concern?


Franklin P.

Dear Franklin,

Couple’s therapy is a great option for working through relationship issues, and for that reason I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing discomfort in your current arrangement.  If something is going on between them, it is certainly not professional or ethical by any means.  The first thing you need to do is to confront the concern by asking them in your session where they are both present.  It is possible that you could be misreading this situation because there is a familiarity that your partner has with the therapist that predates you.  I do find it unusual though, that there is any communication between them outside of sessions.  You could certainly ask why that is going on.  If you are trying to improve your relationship, everything must be out in the open, so don’t be afraid to ask – but be ready for any variety of answers.  If there is something going on between them, you are within your right to take the necessary administrative action in order to address the situation properly.