Dear Andreus,

I have a friend and we used to be really close, but we don’t talk or hang out much anymore.  Recently, I have been seeing his ex-boyfriend whenever I go out barhopping.  There has always been some attraction and sexual energy between his ex and I, but I never acted on it out of respect for my friendship with my friend.  Now that the dynamics have changed in our friendship, is it okay for me to pursue something with his ex, or even sleep with him? Help!


Joseph R.

Dear Joseph,

That is a very delicate situation.  I am a person very true to “friend-code”, which basically means that people that your friends have dated, had relationships with or are interested in – are off limits. Everyone does not live by this code, therefore you should probably talk to your friend to see how he feels about it, if you still have or value your friendship.  I tend to think of friendships first, since oftentimes they are more long-lasting than relationships in our lifestyle.  If you feel comfortable doing so, talk to your friend and let him know how you feel, before you move forward with anything.  If you do decide to go for it without speaking to your friend, just know that there can be consequences like losing that friendship.  Ultimately, only you know.  Hope it works out for all involved!