Criminal Minds Episode

Hey Woody! 

One day I came home early and snuck upstairs hoping to catch my boyfriend beating off to internet p-rn (he’s a freak about it). I tiptoe in but he hears me before I reached the computer screen and he goes berserk, yelling and screaming at me to leave the room.

That’s when I realize he’s trying to block me from seeing the screen. Suddenly a chill runs through me, and I tell him to move away from the computer. He refuses. I figure it’s kiddy p-rn and I go nuts, pushing him aside so I could see.

Well, Woody, nothing could have prepared me for what was on the screen. It wasn’t kiddy p-rn he was beating off to. It was pictures of a corpse. They were police shots of a bloated, purple body.

I hit the back button on the browser and there were pictures of charred burn victims and men covered in bloody gunshot wounds.

I walked out and haven’t talked to my boyfriend since. Please don’t print the site, since I don’t want to give them any publicity.

What should I do, Woody? He’s sick and I refuse to talk to him. Yet I miss him. Help me.

— Broken-up by the Web 

Dear Broken-up: 

Your boyfriend has a fetish, and a ghoulish one at that. There are only four words to describe the site: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. It is without doubt, the darkest, deepest, most sordid site on the web. I mean, other than heterosexual p-rn sites. Talk about gross!

Rotten.com states that it wants to “present viewers with a truly unpleasant experience.”

Experts believe there’s *very* little chance of that happening but you’d have to be a fool not to consider it. It’s reasonable to be scared about this.

But know this: the majority of people with socially unacceptable fantasies do not act them out. Either because it’s physically or because the fantasizer himself doesn’t want it to become a reality. Being raped, for example, is a recurring fantasy that most people don’t want to actually experience.

And finally, most people don’t act out unacceptable fantasies because the consequences are too severe—jail, death, having to cook breakfast for the guy you put in a coma the night before, etc.

My question to you is how well the relationship was going before your discovery. Was sex good? Were you getting along? Was your emotional connection strong? 

I suspect it was. And in that case, his fantasies didn’t create problems in your relationship. Your discovery of them did. A fetish, no matter how ghoulish, is not considered a problem unless it becomes a problem. Capiche? Your boyfriend isn’t a horrible person for having horrible fantasies. He’s deserving of compassion. I hope you can find it within you to help him get help.