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Hey Woody,

I’ve known “Tom” professionally for 10 years, casually and friendly. Then last week I emailed him and he replied, “Great, and now that I’m single I can flirt with you shamelessly as I always wanted to do.” I was stunned — had no idea I appealed to him. He’s smart, cultured, cute. We hooked up and the sex was pretty good, ditto his company. It was fun, if not earthshaking. He feels very steady and stable and it’s a comforting feeling. The next month somebody says, “You must meet ‘Steve’, he’s this, he’s that.”

Hey Woody,

I’ve known “Tom” professionally for 10 years, casually and friendly. Then last week I emailed him and he replied, “Great, and now that I’m single I can flirt with you shamelessly as I always wanted to do.” I was stunned — had no idea I appealed to him. He’s smart, cultured, cute. We hooked up and the sex was pretty good, ditto his company. It was fun, if not earthshaking. He feels very steady and stable and it’s a comforting feeling. The next month somebody says, “You must meet ‘Steve’, he’s this, he’s that.” Well, Steve knocks my socks off with his looks, just pushes every one of my buttons, and he’s also incredibly physical with me, hands all over me. I’m having trouble breathing. Unfortunately, he’s actually already in a relationship (for ten years!). He says it gives him a lot of, ahem, “freedom.” Meaning, he can have affairs, not just one-nighters. My question? Who do I go for—safe, sedate, and available Tom, or glamorous, exciting—and unavailable Steve? Tom makes me safe. Steve makes me pant. They’re like two Archetypes of possible lovers. Do I want stable companionship and serviceable sex or do I want sensual intensity? If I opted for Tom’s sort of stability, what would keep me from being overwhelmed whenever I encountered somebody like Steve? Can I really try to build something without the presence of sexual electricity?

– Dazed & Confused

Dear Dazed,

You don’t stand a chance of being anything but a sex toy with ‘Steve.’ Research shows that 88% of men who have affairs never leave their wives for the floozy (that would be you) they’re dating. Of course, that’s in the straight world. Still, ‘Steve’ made it clear he isn’t looking for a relationship; he’s looking for an affair. And as long as you understand that you’ll ALWAYS come second then go for it. What you’re really experiencing is the age-old dilemma between wanting security and needing excitement. The fallacy in your thinking is that you can only have one at the expense of the other. Great boyfriends provide both. The other fallacy in your thinking is that sex with ‘Tom’ will always remain “serviceable.” You do have to work at it, have the right attitude and build enough trust, but it’s eminently possible. In fact, it would be easier to turn ‘Tom’ into Mr. Electricity than to turn ‘Steve’ into Mr. Stability. One requires a great amount of work, the other a great capacity for pain. Personally, I’d go for the pain-free option.

Hey Woody,

I enjoy going down on my boyfriend and swallowing. I understand it’s filled with protein and good for you. My question is, since he had a vasectomy, is it like eating the white of an egg without the yolk? Is all the protein in the sperm, robbing me of my

daily intake?

– Protein Nut

Dear Nut,

Who told you swallowing is part of a healthy diet? There isn’t enough of anything in ejaculation to make it good or bad. Sperm only makes up about 2% of the ejaculate, that’s why guys who’ve had vasectomies don’t see much difference in the size of their load. There’s about 12 calories in the average load of semen. You’re anxious about losing the protein in something as small as that? Get a life! If you’re worried about protein intake, look in the pantry not in his pants.

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