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Hey Woody,

About 8 months ago, I had a severe case of jock itch. My dermatologist had prescribed a steroid based cream and unfortunately, the jock itch went halfway down to my knees. I spoke to a nurse and she said, “keep it dry”. So, I bought myself a hair dryer and blow-dried my groin area after each shower and used lots of talcum powder. The itching is so bad I sometimes I wake myself up digging into my balls and groin area trying to get the sensation to go away. Nothing works. Lotion, Talcum Powder, Lotrimin, etc.

Hey Woody,

About 8 months ago, I had a severe case of jock itch. My dermatologist had prescribed a steroid based cream and unfortunately, the jock itch went halfway down to my knees. I spoke to a nurse and she said, “keep it dry”. So, I bought myself a hair dryer and blow-dried my groin area after each shower and used lots of talcum powder. The itching is so bad I sometimes I wake myself up digging into my balls and groin area trying to get the sensation to go away. Nothing works. Lotion, Talcum Powder, Lotrimin, etc… I’ve been to four doctors and none can figure out what’s wrong. Adding to the embarrassment, I sweat like a pig down there. I do all the right things– wear loose underwear, blow-dry my balls after a shower, wear loose-fitting clothing at work. I don’t wear underwear at home so I can dangle and get some air. If I sprinkle powder on before I go to bed, I itch. If I use lotion before I go to bed, I itch. Nothing works. Please help. I can’t have sex until I get this sorted out!

-Itchy & Scratchy

Dear Itchy,

You’re clearly not going to the right doctor. I know I wasn’t when I came in complaining about nausea. I said, “Doctor, every morning I wake up, stagger to the bathroom, look in the mirror and want to throw up.” He said, “Clearly, there’s nothing wrong with your vision.” I said, “You calling me ‘ugly?’. He said, “Yes.” I walked toward the door and said, “Well, if you don’t mind, I’d like a second opinion.” He said, “Fine. You’re boring, too.” My point, and I do have one, is that you’re getting bad advice. Here’s what you should do, according to one the docs in my panel who’s treated hundreds of cases of jock itch

1. Always try over-the-counter drugs first. You can try steroids, like hydrocortisone or antifungals, like Lotrimin, 3-4 times a day for a week or two.

2. If neither of those work, try a drying agent like Burow’s solution or Domeboro tablets or powder, which you mix with water. You could also make a homemade 1% acetic acid version using 1/2 cup white vinegar mixed with 1 pint of water. Use the drying agent at least once daily.

3. NO BLOW DRYERS! Christ, that’s like trying to put a fire out with a fan. Just pat dry and allow to air-out for a few minutes before putting on those 2Xist skivvies.

4. If none of these simple and cheap things help, then it’s time to see the white-coated guy. He’ll treat it with a stronger steroid or antifungal if it looks like jock itch. If he can’t tell what it is (doctors aren’t perfect. It’s not like they’re sex advice columnists, you know) or the treatment fails, he’d do a small “punch biopsy” of the worst looking area and have a pathologist help with the diagnosis by looking at it under a microscope. Then he’d base further treatment on that.

You’re right not to have sex until your skin clears up. There are better things to give hot men than a fungus that makes you dance when there’s no music.

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